Eight (1/3)

by Natsume Sōseki

When I tried to explain the exercise of walking around the fence, I intended to briefly touch on the bamboo fence surrounding my master's garden. However, one must not think that the outside of that bamboo fence is immediately the house next door, namely Jiro-chan's house to the south. The rent is cheap, but that is the house of Mr. Kusami. We are only separated by a flimsy fence from those referred to as Yocchan and Jiro-chan, who are so-called "chan" people, and we do not have a close relationship. Outside this bamboo fence is an empty space of five or six ken, at the end of which stand five or six cypress trees.

When viewed from the eaves side, it looks like a dense forest over there, and the teacher living here appears like a recluse in a solitary house in the wilderness, spending his days with an unnamed cat as his companion. However, the cypress branches are not densely packed, and through the gaps, one can see the roof of a cheap inn called "Guntsurukan," which makes it quite difficult to imagine the teacher. If this lodging were indeed Guntsurukan, the teacher's residence would certainly have the value of a hidden treasure. Since names are not taxed, we can freely assign each other grand names.

This empty space, about five or six ken wide, stretches approximately ten ken east and west along the bamboo fence, and soon bends in a hook shape to enclose the northern side of the hidden treasure. This northern side is the source of the commotion. Originally, it could boast of being an empty lot that extends to the end, wrapping around both sides of the house, but even I, the master of the hidden treasure, am at a loss regarding this vacant lot. On the south side, cypress trees dominate, while on the north side, seven or eight paulownia trees stand in a row. They have already grown about a foot around, so if I brought a geta shop, it would fetch a good price, but the sadness of renting means that no matter how much I realize it, I cannot put it into action. I also feel sorry for the master.

Recently, the school janitor came and cut off a branch, but the next time he came, he was wearing new wooden clogs and boasted without being asked, "I made these from the branch the other day." What a sly guy. While there is paulownia, it is worthless to my family and my master. There is an old saying, "Holding a jewel is a sin," which means that even if you grow paulownia, it doesn’t help if you have no money, and it is what is called a treasure wasted. The foolish one is neither my master nor me, but the landlord, Denbei. He is urging for the clogs while saying, "Is there no one, is there no one, is there no clog maker?" yet he comes only to collect the rent with a clueless face.

I particularly have no grudge against Denbei, so I will leave it at that regarding his badmouthing and return to the main topic. I will introduce a rare story that this vacant lot is the source of trouble, but you must never tell my master. This is the only story. The most inconvenient thing about this vacant lot is that there is no fence. It is an open lot that is breezy, clear, and free to pass through. To say there is one would be a lie, which is not good. To tell the truth, there was one. However, to understand the source of the matter, we must go back to the past. If the source is not understood, even a doctor would have trouble prescribing. Therefore, let’s slowly start the story from the time we moved here.

While the open space is refreshing and pleasant in summer, it is also careless; there should be no theft in a place without money. Therefore, my master's house needs no fences, hedges, or any kind of barriers at all. However, I believe this is a problem determined by the types of humans and animals living across the vacant lot. Thus, to resolve this issue, we must clarify the nature of the gentlemen stationed on the other side. It is hasty to call them gentlemen before knowing whether they are human or animal, but they are mostly certainly gentlemen. In this world, even thieves are called gentlemen, as in the saying about gentlemen on the beams.

However, the gentlemen in this case are certainly not the kind of gentlemen who would become a nuisance to the police. Instead of becoming a nuisance to the police, there are many who have pushed through by sheer numbers. They are everywhere. The private middle school called "Rakuunkai" — a school that collects a monthly fee of two yen to cultivate eight hundred gentlemen into even more refined gentlemen. Just because it is named Rakuunkai, one might think that it is filled with elegant gentlemen, but that is fundamentally a mistake. The unreliability of that is akin to how cranes do not descend upon Guntsuru-kan, or how cats are found in Garyōkutsu. Knowing that there are lunatics like the master, Kusami-kun, among those who call themselves scholars and teachers, it is clear that not all gentlemen at Rakuunkai are refined. If one insists on not understanding that, they should first stay at the master's house for about three days.

When we first moved in, there was no fence in the vacant lot, so the gentlemen from Rakuunkai would lumber in like the black cat of a carriage shop, chatting, eating lunch, and lying down on the bamboo grass. They were enjoying various things. After that, remnants of their lunches, such as bamboo skins, old newspapers, old sandals, and old wooden clogs, began to be discarded here. It is unclear whether the indifferent master was spending his days without particularly caring about it or whether he knew and simply had no intention of reproaching them.

However, as these gentlemen received education at school, they gradually began to behave more like gentlemen and started to scheme to advance from the north side to the south side. The term "erosion" may not be suitable for gentlemen, but there is no other appropriate expression. They left the paulownia trees and moved toward the cypress, like desert dwellers changing their dwelling in search of aquatic plants. The place with the cypress is directly in front of the tatami room, and unless one is a particularly bold gentleman, such behavior would not be taken.

Several days later, their boldness increased even further, and they eventually began to sing right in front of the tatami room. I forgot what song it was, but it was definitely not something like thirty-one syllables; it was a more lively and catchy tune. It wasn't just the master who was surprised; I too was impressed by their talent and couldn't help but listen. However, as you readers know, being impressed and feeling disturbed can sometimes coexist. It is regrettable to think that these two feelings coincidentally merged at that moment. The master must have been disappointed as well, but he had no choice but to burst out of his study and repeatedly shouted, "This is not a place for you; get out!"

However, the educated gentlemen would not quietly back down over such matters. If they were chased out, they would immediately return, and upon returning, they would sing cheerfully and engage in loud conversations. Moreover, their conversations were quite peculiar, with phrases like "You don't know, do you?" being exchanged. Such words seemed to belong to specific professions before the Restoration, but it appears that since the twentieth century, they have become the only language used by educated gentlemen. Some people explain this as a phenomenon where a movement that was once scorned by the general public has now become welcomed today.

The master once again burst out of his study and caught one of the gentlemen most accustomed to this language, asking why he was entering. The gentleman immediately forgot his refined words like "You don't know" and replied in a very vulgar manner, "I thought this was a school botanical garden." The master admonished him for the future and then released him. It may seem amusing to release him like a turtle's child, but in reality, he had grasped the gentleman's sleeve to negotiate. The master seemed to think that saying it this strongly would be enough. However, in reality, it was different from what he had anticipated since the time of the lady, and the master failed once again.

This time, I tried to cross the estate from the north side and escape through the front gate. When I swung the front gate open, I heard laughter coming from the Kiri-hata area. The situation was becoming increasingly unsettling, and the results of education were becoming more and more apparent. The unfortunate master thought this was beyond his control and locked himself in his study, sending a polite letter to the principal of Rakugunkan, asking for some regulation to be enforced. The principal also sent a courteous reply, saying, "I will build a fence, so please wait a moment."

After a while, two or three craftsmen arrived, and within half a day, a four-foot-high fence was completed at the boundary between the master's mansion and Rakugunkan. The master was pleased, thinking he could finally feel at ease. However, the master was foolish. There was no way that such a minor thing would change the actions of the gentlemen.

To tease is truly an interesting thing. Even a cat like me sometimes plays by teasing the young lady of the house. Therefore, it is only natural that the gentlemen of Rakugunkan would tease the oblivious Kusami-sensei. The only ones likely to complain about it would be the ones being teased themselves.

When considering the psychology of teasing, there are two elements. First, the one being teased cannot remain indifferent. Second, the one doing the teasing must be superior in number or strength to the other. The other day, the master returned from the zoo, repeatedly expressing his admiration for what he had seen. What he witnessed was a fight between a camel and a puppy. As the puppy barked and circled around the camel like a whirlwind, the camel stood there, seemingly indifferent, with a hump on its back. No matter how much the puppy barked, the camel did not react at all, and eventually, the dog lost interest and stopped. The master laughed, saying the camel was utterly insensitive, but this is precisely a typical case. No matter how skilled the teaser is, it cannot succeed if the other party is like a camel. However, if the opponent is too strong, like a lion or a tiger, teasing cannot happen either. The moment one tries to tease, they would be torn to shreds.

When teasing, there are times when the other party bares their teeth in anger. While it is certainly true that they get angry, when there is a sense of reassurance that there is nothing we can do about it, the amusement greatly increases. There are several reasons why this is interesting. First, it is suitable for passing the time. When bored, one might even want to count the number of hairs on their face. There is a story of a prisoner who was thrown into a dungeon long ago, who, out of sheer boredom, spent the day drawing overlapping triangles on the wall of his cell. There is nothing in the world that is more unbearable than boredom. Without some event to stimulate vitality, living becomes painful. Teasing, after all, is a kind of entertainment that creates and plays with that stimulation.

However, it is necessary to anger, tease, or weaken the other party a little for it to be stimulating. Therefore, those who indulge in the entertainment of teasing have historically been limited to either those who are as dull as foolish lords who do not understand the feelings of others, or boys with immature minds who have no room to think of anything other than their own enjoyment. Next, it is also the simplest way to practically prove one's superiority. One can prove their superiority by killing, injuring, or deceiving others, but these are rather means when the purpose is that, and one's superiority is merely a phenomenon that inevitably appears after carrying out those means.

Therefore, if you want to show your power but do not want to harm others, teasing is the quickest way. If you do not hurt someone even a little, your superiority will not be proven as a fact. If it does not manifest as a fact, even if you feel secure in your mind, the pleasure is surprisingly thin. Humans are creatures that rely on themselves. No, even when they cannot rely on others, they still want to rely on someone. Therefore, one cannot be satisfied unless they demonstrate to others that they are a reliable presence, that this is something to feel secure about.

People who do not understand logic or those who seem unreliable and anxious will try to prove this at every opportunity. It's the same as how a jiu-jitsu practitioner sometimes feels the urge to throw someone. A jiu-jitsu practitioner walks around town with the very dangerous thought of wanting to throw even once when they encounter an opponent weaker than themselves. There are various other reasons, but I will omit them as it would take too long. If you want to know, just bring a piece of bonito flakes and come to learn. I will teach you anytime.

Considering the above, in my opinion, teasing the monkeys in the mountains and the school teachers is the most appropriate. It is a waste to compare school teachers to the monkeys in the mountains. — Not that it is a waste for the monkeys, but rather for the teachers. However, it cannot be helped because they are quite similar. As you know, the monkeys in the mountains are chained. No matter how much they bare their teeth and make a fuss, there is no worry about being scratched. In place of being chained, teachers are bound by their salaries. It is fine to tease them as much as you want. They will not resign and hit students. Those who have the courage to resign would not have become teachers in the first place and taken care of students.

The master is a teacher. He is not a teacher at Rakugunkan, but he is certainly a teacher nonetheless. He is very suitable for teasing, very simplistic, and a very safe man. The students of Rakugunkan are boys. They consider teasing to be a reason to raise their own noses high, and a right that is naturally demanded as a result of education. Furthermore, if they do not tease, they are a bunch of people who are at a loss about how to use their lively bodies and minds, having too much free time. When these conditions are met, the master is teased by the students, and the students tease the master. It is something that is completely reasonable for anyone to see. A master who gets angry about it would be the epitome of being uncouth, the height of foolishness.

From now on, I will show you in detail how the students of Rakugunkan teased the master, and how the master reached the peak of being uncouth.

Do you all know what a "Yotsume-gaki" is? It is a simple fence that allows for good ventilation. Someone like me can freely come and go through its gaps. Whether it is built or not, in the end, it is the same thing. However, the principal of Rakugunkan did not create this Yotsume-gaki for the cats. He specifically called a craftsman to make it so that the gentlemen he raises cannot slip through. Indeed, no matter how well-ventilated it is, it is difficult for humans to pass through. Even Zhang Shizun, a magician from the Qing dynasty, would find it difficult to pass through this four-inch square hole made of bamboo. That is why it can be said that this fence serves its purpose well against humans. It is no wonder that the principal was pleased when he saw the finished product and thought it would be fine. However, there is a significant flaw in his logic. There exists an even larger hole than this fence. It is like a large hole for fish to escape. He starts from the assumption that a fence is not something to be crossed. He believed that as long as it is called a "fence" and the boundary is clear, there would be no worry of intrusion, no matter how shabby the fence may be. Then, he temporarily dismantled that assumption and concluded that it would be fine even if there were intruders. He was convinced that no young boy could possibly slip through the hole of the Yotsume-gaki. Indeed, unless they are cats, they are unlikely to pass through this square eye, but there is no problem in crossing or jumping over it. Rather, it is enjoyable enough to be a form of exercise.

From the day after the fence was built, they jump into the empty space on the north side just like before. However, they do not venture deep into the front of the tatami room. They consider the time to escape if they are chased and play in a place where there is no danger of being caught. Of course, the principal in the eastern annex cannot see what they are doing. To know what is happening in the empty space on the north side, one must either open the gate and peek from the opposite side or look over the fence from the window of the annex. From the window, it is clear at a glance where everything is, but even if they spot an enemy, they cannot catch them. They can only scold from within the window's lattice. If they try to bypass the gate and charge into enemy territory, their footsteps will be noticed, and before they can be caught, the others will escape to the other side. It is like a poaching boat approaching fish basking in the sun. Of course, the principal is not watching from the annex. They are not prepared to jump out immediately when they hear the sound of the gate opening. If they did that, they would have no choice but to quit teaching and specialize in that. The principal's disadvantage is that only the enemy's voices can be heard from the study, and their figures cannot be seen, while from the window, only their figures can be seen but no action can be taken. The enemy, having discerned this disadvantage, devised such a strategy. When the principal is holed up in the study, they make as much noise as possible. Among that noise, they say things that seem to mock the principal, making the source of the sound extremely unclear. It becomes difficult to determine whether they are causing a ruckus inside the fence or if they are rampaging on the other side. If the principal comes out, they either flee or act as if they were on the other side all along, ignoring the situation. Furthermore, once they see that the principal has moved to the annex... I will definitely loiter near the paulownia tree to deliberately catch the principal's eye. If the principal shouts loudly from the back, the enemy will calmly return to their base without panicking. When this strategy is used, the principal becomes very confused. When he goes out with his stick thinking there is an intrusion, it is completely silent and no one is there. When he peeks through the window thinking no one is there, there are always one or two people intruding. The principal goes around to the back, peeks from the back, and repeats the same thing over and over again. This is what it means to be exhausted from running around. He has become so agitated that he can no longer tell whether teaching is his profession or war is his duty. It was at this peak of agitation that the incident below occurred.

Incidents usually begin with agitation. Agitation literally refers to rising upside down. On this point, neither Gehlen nor Paracelsus, nor the ancient famous physician Bian Que has any dissent. The only question is where one rises upside down and what rises upside down.

According to ancient European legends, it is said that there are four types of liquids circulating within the human body. The first is called "anger liquid," and when this rises upside down, anger arises. The second is named "dull liquid," and when this rises upside down, the nerves become dull. Next is "melancholy liquid," which makes a person gloomy. And finally, there is "blood," which strengthens the limbs. As civilization progressed, the dull liquid, anger liquid, and melancholy liquid gradually disappeared, and now it is said that only blood circulates as it did in the past. Therefore, if there is someone who becomes agitated, it can only be considered blood.

However, the amount of blood is determined by the individual. There may be slight increases or decreases depending on personality, but generally, it is a ratio of five shō and five go per person. When this five shō and five go rises upside down, the part that has risen becomes active, while the other parts feel deprived and turn cold. It is just like when a police box is burned down, and the officers gather at the police station, leaving no one in the neighborhood. Medically speaking, this is referred to as the police's uprising. To heal this uprising, blood must be evenly distributed throughout the body as it was before. To achieve this, what has risen upside down must be brought back down.

There are several methods for this. My late predecessor was said to have placed a wet towel on his head while sitting by the kotatsu. A cool head and warm feet are considered signs of longevity and health, and as recorded in the Treatise on Typhoid Fever, a wet towel is indispensable for longevity practices. Without it, it is also good to try the methods used by monks. A wandering monk, who does not stay in one place, must always find shelter under a tree or on a stone. This is not for the sake of hardship, but is indeed a secret method devised by the Sixth Patriarch to lower heat. Sitting on a stone naturally makes one’s bottom cold. It is a natural principle that the bottom cooling down lowers the heat, and there is no room for doubt.

In this way, many ideas have been devised to lower heat, but it is unfortunate that no good methods have been found to induce heat. Generally speaking, heat is a loss and a phenomenon that brings no benefit, but in some professions, the uprising can be very important. Among them, poets particularly emphasize the uprising. For poets, the uprising is as essential as coal is for a steamship, and if this supply is interrupted for even a day, they become mere ordinary people who can only sit idly by and eat.

However, because "inspiration" is also a name for madness, and if one cannot be mad, the family business cannot survive, it would be socially unacceptable, so among them, they do not call madness "madness." They have collectively decided to call it "inspiration," treating it as if it were something special. This is a name they created to deceive the public, and in reality, it is indeed madness. Plato supported them and referred to this kind of madness as "divine madness," but no matter how divine it is, people do not engage with madness. It is better for them to have a new name like "inspiration."

However, just as the seed of kamaboko is yam, the statue of Kannon is made of decayed wood, the ingredients of duck nanban are crow, and the beef hot pot at the boarding house is made of horse meat, inspiration is actually madness. If it is madness, it is temporary insanity. The reason one does not have to be hospitalized in Sugamo is simply that it is temporary insanity. However, creating this temporary insanity is difficult. It is easier to create a lifelong madman, but to make someone mad only while holding a pen and facing paper seems to be extremely challenging, even for the most clever of gods, and it is rarely realized. Since God does not create it, one must create it by oneself.

Therefore, from ancient times to today, the art of madness has troubled many scholars just like the art of removing madness. Some people ate twelve astringent persimmons every day to gain inspiration. This came from the theory that eating astringent persimmons would cause constipation, and constipation would lead to madness. Another person jumped into a hot bath with a sake bottle. They thought that drinking alcohol in the water would surely lead to madness. According to that person's theory, if this did not succeed, they believed that boiling wine in the bath would have an effect at once. However, it is unfortunate that they died without being able to execute it due to lack of money.

Finally, there were those who thought that by imitating the ancients, inspiration would arise. This is based on the theory that by mimicking a person's attitude or actions, one can also come to resemble that person's mental state. When one behaves like a drunkard, before long, one feels like a drinker. When sitting in Zen meditation and enduring the time of a single incense stick, one can somehow feel like a monk. Therefore, if one imitates the gestures of famous masters who have received inspiration since ancient times, it is certain that one will surely become inspired.

According to what I've heard, Hugo supposedly thought about the style of his writing while lying on a fast-moving boat, so if one gazes at the blue sky while on a ship, one will surely receive inspiration. Stevenson is said to have written novels while lying on his stomach, so if one lies face down and holds a pen, blood will surely rush to one's head. In this way, various people have come up with various methods, but no one has succeeded yet. As of today, artificial inspiration has become impossible. It is unfortunate, but it cannot be helped. There is no doubt that a time will come when one can freely evoke inspiration. I long for that time to arrive as soon as possible for the sake of humanity.