Seven (3/3)

by Natsume Sōseki

No matter how foolish or sick one may be, the existence of the master does not change. There are poets who value the grace of a single meal, so it is impossible for a cat not to think of its master. As feelings of pity filled my heart, I became distracted and neglected to observe the sink, when suddenly, I heard a shout coming from the white hot tub. Turning around, I saw that a fight had indeed broken out, as monsters crowded the narrow pomegranate entrance, their hairy shins and hairless thighs intertwining and moving chaotically.

The early autumn sun was setting, and steam rose up to the ceiling above the sink. The writhing figures of the monsters could be seen vaguely through the steam. Voices crying out "hot, hot" pierced my ears and echoed left and right. Those voices mixed yellow, blue, red, and black, filling the bathhouse with indescribable sounds. They were merely voices suitable for expressing congestion and confusion, serving no other purpose. I stood there, transfixed by this scene, in a daze.

Eventually, as the clamoring voices reached a peak of chaos, and the tension of being unable to take another step heightened, suddenly, a large man rose up from the crowd that was pushing and shoving in all directions. He was certainly about three inches taller than the others. With a red face that was either covered in a beard or had his face hidden within it, he threw his head back and shouted in a voice that sounded like a bell ringing in the midday sun, "Make way, make way, hot, hot!" This voice and face stood out prominently above the chaotic crowd, and in that moment, it felt as if the entire bathhouse belonged to this one man. He was truly a superman. The superman Nietzsche spoke of. The great king among demons. As I watched, thinking he was the head of the monsters, someone behind the hot tub responded, "Hey!"

As I thought about it and turned my gaze that way again, I saw Sansuke in his usual outfit, throwing a lump of coal into the stove in the darkness. When this lump crackled as it passed through the stove's lid, one side of Sansuke's face lit up brightly. At the same time, the brick wall behind Sansuke glowed as if it were burning through the darkness. I felt a bit overwhelmed, so I decided to jump down from the window and go home. On the way back, I thought. In the nakedness of trying to take off my haori, my fundoshi, and my hakama to achieve equality, another naked hero emerges and overwhelms the other small groups. Equality is not something that can be attained no matter how naked one becomes.

When I got home, the world was at peace, and my master was eating dinner with a freshly bathed face shining. Seeing me come up from the veranda, he said, "What a carefree cat, I wonder where he's been walking around now." Looking at the table, there were a few dishes lined up despite the lack of money. Among them was a grilled fish. I don't know what kind of fish it is, but it must have been caught around Odaiba yesterday. I had explained that the fish was sturdy, but no matter how sturdy it is, being grilled or boiled like this is unbearable. It would be much better to be sickly and barely alive. Thinking this, I sat by the table, pretending to look or not look, hoping to grab something if there was an opportunity. Those who do not know how to pretend like this must give up on eating fish altogether. My master poked at the fish a little but put down his chopsticks with a face that said it wasn’t good. His wife, sitting across from him, silently moved her chopsticks up and down, eagerly studying the movements of his jaws.

"Hey, give that cat's head a little smack," my master suddenly asked his wife.

"What will happen if I smack it?"

"It doesn't matter, just give it a little smack."

Is this how I do it? His wife lightly slapped my head with her palm. It didn't hurt at all.

"Don't you cry out?"

"No."

"Try it one more time."

"No matter how many times you do it, isn't it the same thing?" said the wife as she slapped him again. Since it didn't seem to matter, he stayed still. However, the purpose of this was difficult for a clever person like me to understand. If I could understand this, there might be some way to manage it, but when told to "just hit me," both the wife who would hit and I who would be hit would be troubled. The master, not getting his way even after two attempts, said a bit impatiently, "Hey, try hitting me lightly to make a sound."

The lady made a troublesome face and asked, "What good does it do to make it cry?" while she slapped again. Once the other party's purpose is understood, there is no excuse. As long as it cries, it can satisfy the master. The master is such a fool that it becomes tiresome. To make it cry, it doesn't need to take unnecessary trouble two or three times, to put it simply. The command to just slap should be used when the act of slapping itself is the goal. Slapping is the other party's business, while crying is ours. To presume from the beginning that crying is expected and to think that even the act of crying, which should be our freedom, is included in the command to just slap is extremely rude. It shows a lack of respect for another's personality. It belittles the cat. It is something that Kaneda-kun, who dislikes the master like a snake or scorpion, might do, but as a master who prides himself on being frank, it is very despicable. However, in reality, the master is not such a stingy man. Therefore, I think this command from the master did not come from the utmost cunning, but rather from a lack of wisdom, like a mosquito that has emerged. It is natural for the stomach to swell when one eats. It is also natural for blood to flow when one cuts. It is natural for one to die when one is killed. Thus, it seems he hastily concluded that it is natural for it to cry when slapped. However, that is unfortunate but somewhat illogical. Following that reasoning, if one falls into a river, one must necessarily die. If one eats tempura, one must necessarily have diarrhea. If one receives a salary, one must necessarily go to work. If one reads books, one must necessarily become great. If it were always so, there would be people who would be somewhat troubled. If it becomes that one must necessarily cry when slapped, it becomes a nuisance for me. If I am viewed the same way as the bell of Mejiro, then it would be pointless to have been born a cat. First, I have already made the master feel this much discomfort inside.And then I cried "nyaa" as ordered.

The master said to the lady, "What do you think, was the cat's cry just now an interjection or an adverb?"

The lady was surprised by the sudden question and couldn't answer anything. To be honest, I thought this question was probably because the master was still under the excitement of the bath. Originally, the master was a well-known eccentric in the neighborhood, and some people even went so far as to call him neurotic. However, the master confidently claimed, "There's no way I'm neurotic. It's the people in the world who are neurotic." When the neighbors called the master "Inu-inu," he would retort by calling them "Buta-buta," claiming it was to maintain fairness. In fact, it seems the master is trying to uphold fairness to the end. It's quite troublesome. For such a man, throwing such a strange question at the lady might be a small event before breakfast, but from the perspective of the one being asked, it sounds like something a slightly neurotic person would say. That's why the lady felt as if she was being led astray and couldn't say anything. Of course, I also had no idea how to respond.

Then, the master suddenly called out loudly, "Hey!"

The lady, startled, replied, "Yes."

"Is that 'yes' an interjection or an adverb?"

"Does it really matter?" the lady said.

"It does matter. This is actually a major issue that is troubling linguists."

"Is it about the sound of a cat? That's unpleasant. After all, the sound of a cat isn't Japanese, is it?"

"That's exactly why it's a difficult problem. It's called comparative research."

"I see," the lady, being wise, decided not to engage in such a ridiculous issue. "So, did you figure out which it is?"

"It's an important question, so it's not something you can easily figure out," he said while munching on the usual side dish. He also ate the stewed pork and potatoes next to him. "This is pork," he said. "Yes, it's pork." "Hmph," he swallowed with a tone of great disdain. "Let's have another drink," he said, pouring another cup.

"Tonight, it's quite elevated. It's already getting pretty red."

“Drink, and—do you know the longest word in the world?”

“Yes, it’s the former Prime Minister, isn’t it?”

“That’s a name. Do you know the longest word?”

“Is it a foreign word?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know. —Enough about the alcohol, let’s have dinner now, okay?”

“No, I’m still drinking. Want me to tell you the longest word?”

“Sure. Then it’s dinner.”

“The word is Archaiomelesidonophrunicherata.”

“That’s nonsense.”

“It’s not nonsense, it’s Greek.”

“What does it mean in Japanese?”

“I don’t know the meaning. I only know the spelling. When written out, it’s about six sun and three bu long.”

It’s very strange that he’s saying something that should be said at a drinking party in a sober manner. However, tonight he’s drinking recklessly. Normally, he limits himself to two cups, but he’s already had four. Even with two cups, he turns quite red, so having doubled that, his face is flushed like a burning fire stick, and he looks quite uncomfortable. Still, he doesn’t stop. “One more cup,” he says, pouring another drink. His wife, taken aback,

“You should stop now, it’s just painful,” she says with a bitter expression.

“No matter how painful it is, I’m going to practice a bit now. Kei-getsu told me to drink.”

“Who is Kei-getsu?” Even Kei-getsu loses all value when faced with his wife.

“Kei-getsu is a top critic now. If he says to drink, it must be good.”

“Don’t be foolish. Whether it’s Kei-getsu or Ume-getsu, it’s unnecessary for someone to suffer and drink.”

“It’s not just about drinking. He also said to socialize, indulge in pleasures, and travel.”

“That’s even worse. Is such a person a top critic? Well, how ridiculous. To recommend indulgence to someone with a wife and children…”

"Indulgence is fine. Even if Keigetsu doesn't recommend it, I might do it if I have the money."

"It's a good thing I don't have it. Starting an indulgence now would be quite a hassle."

"If it's such a hassle, then I'll refrain, but in return, take better care of your husband and serve more lavish meals in the evening."

"This is the best I can do."

"Is that so? Then let's put off the indulgence until I have money, and for tonight, let's stop here," he said as he put away the rice bowl. It seems he ate three servings of tea over rice. That night, I had three pieces of pork and a grilled head.