Six to seven

by Ryunosuke Akutagawa

The love of kappa is completely different from our human love. Female kappa, when they find a male kappa they like, will do anything to capture that male. Especially honest female kappa chase after the males as if they were crazy. In fact, I once saw a female kappa chasing a male kappa like a madwoman. Not only that female, but also her parents and siblings joined in chasing the male. The male kappa is truly miserable, and even if he manages to escape, he might end up lying on the floor for months.

One day, I was reading a collection of poems by Tock at home. Suddenly, a student named Rap burst in. Rap rolled into my house, collapsed on the floor, and said, out of breath.

“This is terrible! I’ve finally been hugged!”

I hurriedly tossed aside the poetry collection and locked the door. However, when I peeked through the keyhole, a short female kappa with sulfur powder on her face was still wandering in front of the door. From that day on, Rap ended up sleeping on my floor for weeks. Moreover, before I knew it, his beak had completely rotted and fallen off.

Of course, there are male kappa who desperately chase after female kappa, but in reality, it is the female kappa who are orchestrating it. I also saw male kappa chasing after female kappa. The female kappa, while running away, would occasionally stop on purpose or get down on all fours. Then, at just the right moment, she would capture the male as if she were disappointed. The male kappa I saw rolled around for a while while hugging the female kappa, but when he eventually got up, he had an indescribably pitiful expression mixed with disappointment and regret.

However, even so, it's still better. The small male kappa I saw was chasing a female kappa. The female kappa was enticingly escaping as usual, but then a large male kappa from the other side of the street came walking over, breathing heavily. The female kappa, by some chance, saw the male kappa and screamed, "This is terrible! Please help me! That kappa is trying to kill me!" Of course, the large male kappa immediately caught the small kappa and pinned him down in the middle of the street. The small kappa tried several times to grasp the air with his webbed hands, but ultimately he breathed his last. However, by that time, the female kappa was grinning while firmly clinging to the neck of the large kappa.

The male kappas I know are all uniformly chased by female kappas. Of course, even the bag with a wife and children is no exception. There have been times when they were caught. However, only the philosopher Maggu has never been caught even once. He stands out particularly among the ugly kappas, and he also tends to stay home rather than go out. Sometimes, I went out to talk to Maggu at his house. He was always in a dimly lit room, lighting a rainbow-colored glass lantern, engrossed in reading a thick book at a tall-legged desk.

One time, I discussed kappa romance with Maggu.

"Why doesn't the government crack down more strictly on female kappas chasing male kappas?"

"One reason is that there are few female kappas among the officials. Female kappas are more jealous than male kappas, so if the number of female kappa officials increases, male kappas will be less chased than they are now. However, that effect is also limited. Because even among officials, female kappas chase male kappas."

"So, living like you is the happiest way to live, huh?"

Then Magg left his chair, held both of my hands tightly, sighed, and said.

“It’s understandable that you can’t comprehend, as you are not one of us kappa. However, there are times when I too feel a desire to be chased by that terrifying female kappa.”

I went to a concert again with the poet Tock, but what I still can’t forget is the third concert I attended. The atmosphere of the venue was not much different from Japan. Indeed, several hundred male and female kappa were sitting in gradually rising seats, earnestly listening while holding the program. At this third concert, I was sitting in the front row with Tock, his female kappa, and the philosopher Magg.

Then, after the cello solo ended, a kappa with unusually narrow eyes came up to the stage, carelessly holding a score. This kappa is the renowned composer Kurabak, whose name is listed in the program. As stated in the program, or rather, without even looking at the program, I knew his face because Kurabak is a member of the Superhuman Club to which Tock belongs.

Kurabakku bowed amidst a grand applause and quietly walked up to the piano. Then, he casually began to play his own lead. According to Toku's words, Kurabakku is said to be an unparalleled genius among the musicians born in this country. I was captivated by his music and also interested in his lyrical poetry. I was eagerly listening to the grand, arched sounds of the piano. Toku and Maggu might have been even more entranced than I was. However, that beautiful female kappa was the only one firmly gripping the program, occasionally sticking out her long tongue in frustration. According to Maggu's story, this was because she had failed to catch Kurabakku ten years ago and still regarded him as her enemy.

Kurabakku continued to play the piano with all his passion, as if fighting. Suddenly, a voice echoed through the venue saying, "No playing allowed." I turned around in surprise. The owner of that voice was a tall officer sitting in the back row. When I turned to look, the officer, sitting calmly, shouted again in a loud voice, "No playing allowed."

At that moment, the venue fell into chaos. Voices shouted, "Police brutality!" "Kurabakku, play!" "Idiot!" "Beast!" "Shut up!" "Don't give up!" Chairs toppled over, programs flew up, and even empty soda bottles and stones, as well as half-eaten cucumbers, rained down from somewhere. I was left dumbfounded and tried to ask Toku for the reason, but Toku seemed excited too, standing on a chair and continuing to shout, "Kurabakku, play! Play!" Furthermore, Toku's female kappa had somehow forgotten her hostility and was also shouting, "Police brutality." Reluctantly, I turned to Maggu and asked, "What’s going on?"

"This? This happens often in this country. Originally, art and literature..."

Mag continued to explain quietly, shrinking back slightly every time something flew by.

“Originally, paintings and literature should clearly represent something to anyone's eyes, so in this country, there is never a ban on publication or exhibition. Instead, what exists is a ban on performances. Music, no matter how disruptive the song may be, cannot be understood by a kappa without ears.”

“But does that officer have ears?”

“Well, that's a question. Perhaps while listening to the current melody, he recalled the heartbeat while lying with his wife.”

In the meantime, the commotion grew increasingly lively. Kurabak was facing the piano, looking back at us with arrogance. However, no matter how arrogant he was, he could not avoid what was flying towards him. Every few seconds, his attitude had to change as well. Still, he maintained his dignity as a great musician, his narrow eyes shining sharply. I was using my tokk to shield myself from danger, but driven by curiosity, I continued to talk to Magg.

“Isn't that kind of censorship rough?”

“What are you saying? It's more advanced than any censorship in other countries. For example, look at ××. In fact, just a month ago…”

Just as he was about to say this, Magg unfortunately had a glass bottle fall on his head. After letting out a “Quack,” he finally lost consciousness.