Eight to nine

by Ryunosuke Akutagawa

I had a strange affection for Geel, the president of the glass company. He was particularly prominent among capitalists, and there was probably no one in this country’s kappa community with a belly as large as his. His wife looked like a lychee, and their child resembled a cucumber; he sitting in an armchair seemed like the very embodiment of happiness.

Occasionally, I would go out to dinner at the Geel household, accompanied by Judge Pep or Doctor Chuck. I also had the opportunity to visit various factories associated with him and his friends, armed with a letter of introduction from Geel. Among them, the most interesting was the factory of a book manufacturing company. As I entered the factory with a young kappa engineer and gazed at the large machines powered by hydroelectricity, I was amazed by the progress of the machine industry in the kappa country. Remarkably, they produced seven million books in a year. However, what surprised me was not the number of copies, but the fact that the production was completely effortless. In this country, to make a book, one simply needs to put paper, ink, and gray powder into the funnel-shaped mouth of the machine. Once the raw materials enter the machine, countless books such as octavo, duodecimo, and half-octavo editions are produced in less than five minutes.

As I watched the various books flowing down like a waterfall, I asked the bent engineer what that gray powder was. The engineer, standing in front of the shiny black machine, answered with an air of boredom.

“This? This is the brain matter of a donkey. It’s just been dried and roughly powdered. The market price is one ton for two or three cents, you know.”

Of course, such industrial miracles are not limited to book manufacturing companies. Similar occurrences are happening in painting and music manufacturing companies as well. In fact, according to Geer, an average of seven to eight hundred new machines are invented every month in this country, and mass production is carried out without waiting for human labor. As a result, the number of workers being laid off is said to be no less than forty to fifty thousand. Yet, even while reading the newspaper every morning in this country, I have never come across the word "strike." I found this strange, and one time, when I was invited to dinner at the Geer household with Pep and Chuck, I asked about the reason.

"That's because they all get eaten."

Geer, with a cigar in his mouth after dinner, said this casually. However, I could not understand what he meant by "get eaten." Then, Chuck, who was wearing glasses, seemed to sense my confusion and added an explanation from the side.

"They kill all those workers and use the meat for food. Look at this newspaper here. This month, exactly sixty-four thousand seven hundred sixty-nine workers were laid off, so the price of meat has dropped accordingly."

"Do the workers just get killed silently?"

"There's no point in making a fuss. There is a method for slaughtering workers."

Pep said with a bitter expression. Of course, I felt uncomfortable, but Geer, Pep, and Chuck seemed to accept it as a matter of course. Chuck, laughing, spoke to me mockingly.

"In other words, it saves the trouble of starving to death or committing suicide on a national level. Just a little exposure to toxic gas, and there's not much pain involved."

"But to eat that meat..."

"You must not speak of common sense. If you let that Magg hear it, he would surely laugh heartily. In your country as well, aren't the daughters of the fourth class becoming prostitutes? To be outraged by eating the flesh of workers is sentimentalism."

Listening to this exchange, Geer calmly offered me a plate of sandwiches from a nearby table and said,

"How about it? Won't you take one? This is also worker's meat, you know."

Of course, I was repulsed. Not only that, but with the laughter of Pep and Chuck behind me, I burst out of the Geer family's parlor. Outside was a stormy night where not even the starlight could be seen. As I made my way back to my residence through that darkness, I felt nauseous. The vomit flowed white even in the night.

However, Geer, the president of the glass company, was somewhat of an affable kappa. I often went to the club he belonged to and spent enjoyable evenings. This was because that club was far more comfortable than the superhuman club that Tock belonged to. Moreover, although Geer's stories were not as profound as those of the philosopher Magg, they showed me a completely new and broad world. Geer always stirred his coffee cup with a pure gold spoon while cheerfully sharing various tales.

On a foggy evening, I was listening to Geer's stories in front of a vase filled with winter roses. The entire room, of course, was white, and I remember it as a secession-style room with thin golden edges on the chairs and tables. Geer, with a more triumphant smile than usual, spoke about the Quorax cabinet that was in power at the time. The word Quorax is a meaningless interjection, which can only be translated as "oh," but above all, it was a party that proclaimed "the benefit of all kappas."

"The one who controls the Quorax Party is the famous politician, Loppe. 'Honesty is the best diplomacy' is a saying by Bismarck. However, Loppe applies honesty to domestic affairs as well. ..."

"But Loppe's speech is ..."

"Now, please listen carefully to what I have to say. The content of that speech is, of course, all correct. However, since it is something everyone knows, in the end, it is no different from honesty. To say it unilaterally is merely your prejudice. We kappa, unlike you ... well, that doesn't matter. What I want to talk about is Loppe. Loppe controls the Quorax Party, but the one who controls Loppe is the president of the Pou-Fou newspaper, Kuikui. This word 'Pou-Fou' is actually a meaningless interjection. If I were to translate it, it would be something like 'ah.' But Kuikui is also not his own master. The one who controls him is Geel, who is right in front of you."

"But, it may be rude to say this, but the Pou-Fou newspaper is a newspaper that supports the workers. The fact that its president, Kuikui, is also under your control is ..."

"The reporters of the Pou-Fou newspaper are indeed allies of the workers. However, there is no one other than Kuikui who controls them. Moreover, Kuikui cannot operate without the support of this Geel."

Geel was still playing with a pure gold spoon while smiling. Watching Geel, I felt more sympathy for the reporters of the Pou-Fou newspaper than hatred for him. Then, as if Geel sensed my silent sympathy, he puffed up his large belly and said.

"What are you saying? Not all the reporters from the Puu-Fuu newspaper are on the side of the workers. At least we kappa prioritize our own before supporting others... However, what's even more troublesome is that this Geer is also under someone else's control. Who do you think that is? It's my wife, the beautiful Mrs. Geer."

Geer laughed loudly.

"That's rather fortunate, isn't it?"

"In any case, I am satisfied. However, this is something I can only say in front of you, someone who is not a kappa."

"In other words, the Quorax Cabinet is controlled by Mrs. Geer, isn't it?"

"You could say that... but the war seven years ago surely started for the sake of a certain female kappa."

"A war? Was there a war in this country?"

"There was. And we don't know when the next one will be. As long as there is a neighboring country..."

At that moment, I learned for the first time that the kappa nation was not nationally isolated. According to Geer's explanation, kappa always regard the otter as a hypothetical enemy. Moreover, it seems that the otter has military capabilities that are not inferior to those of the kappa. I became quite interested in the story of the kappa's war against the otter, as the fact that the otter is a strong enemy of the kappa is something that even authors like Kunio Yanagita, who wrote "Water Tiger Strategy," and the author of "Yamashima Folktales," were not aware of.

"Before the war broke out, both countries were watching each other without letting their guard down. This was because both feared each other equally. At that time, an otter visited a kappa couple. The female kappa intended to kill her husband, as he was a libertine. Moreover, the fact that there was life insurance involved might have been a slight temptation."

“Do you know that couple?”

“Yes, I only know the male kappa. My wife speaks of this kappa as if it were a villain, but if you ask me, it’s more of a delusional madman who fears being caught by the female kappa rather than a villain... So, this female kappa put blue vitriol in her husband’s cocoa bowl. Somehow, it ended up being drunk by a guest otter. The otter, of course, died. After that...”

“After that, did a war break out?”

“Yes, unfortunately, that otter had a medal.”

“Which side won the war?”

“Of course, this country won. Three hundred sixty-nine thousand five hundred kappas bravely died for that. However, compared to the enemy country, that level of damage is nothing. Most of the furs in this country are otter furs. During that war, I also sent coal shells to the battlefield in addition to manufacturing glass.”

“What do you use coal shells for?”

“Of course, for food. We kappas will eat anything when we’re hungry.”

“That’s... please don’t be angry. That’s... it’s a scandal for kappas on the battlefield... in our country.”

“It’s certainly a scandal in this country as well. However, if I say this, no one will make it a scandal. The philosopher Magu also said, ‘Let your evil be spoken by yourself. Evil should naturally disappear.’... Moreover, I was fueled by patriotism in addition to profit.”

Just then, the club's waiter entered. After greeting Geeru, the waiter said in a reading tone.

“There is a fire next door.”

“Fire—fire!”

Geeru stood up in surprise. I also stood up, but the waiter calmly continued with the next words.

“However, it has already been extinguished.”

Geel had a near-crying, laughing expression as he saw off the waiter. Looking at him, I realized that I had once hated the president of this glass company. However, the current Geel was not a big capitalist or anything; he was simply standing there as a kappa. I took out the winter rose from the vase and handed it to Geel.

“But even though the fire is out, your wife must have been quite surprised. Now, take this home with you.”

“Thank you.”

Geel握 my hand. Then he suddenly smiled slyly and spoke to me in a low voice.

“The next door is about my house, you know. I can at least receive the money from the fire insurance.”

I still vividly remember Geel's smile from that time. It was a smile that evoked a strange feeling, one that I couldn't look down on or hate.