Episode 6

by Muse · 2026-03-23

Jihu left to take care of his business, and I returned home for a moment. My fingers felt awkward as I entered the password for the front door. The keypad seemed smaller than usual.

As I stepped inside, my life from just yesterday morning was still there. On the living room table, a half-empty coffee cup. A shopping mall delivery box. A blouse tossed in front of the washing machine. And, cosmetics neatly arranged on the vanity. The foundation that matched my skin tone. The eyeliner that accentuated my eyes. The tint that slightly enhanced my lips.

I stared at those things for a while.

I: Now... will I have any use for them?

I muttered to myself.

I rubbed my cheek with the back of my hand. My skin felt smoother than before. The hair felt a bit coarser, and my jawline felt firmer.

It's true my skin has improved.

It wasn't funny at all.

When I opened the closet, blouses and dresses were lined up. Work slacks, a high-waisted skirt, skinny jeans that I said I would wear if I lost weight.

Yesterday, I felt like I was rummaging through someone else's closet. For a moment, my hand stopped on a blouse. White, with a lace collar. The outfit I had saved for an important day.

I: There's no body to wear it...

My voice came out too low, so I could barely hear myself.

My phone vibrated.

Before I could type a reply, a call came in immediately.

I: Hello.

Jihu: Hey. Why does your breathing sound so heavy? Did you cry?

I: ...It's because you asked me that in a text.

Jihu: Yeah, it would be strange if I hadn't cried. Anyway, I need to buy some clothes, so come out. Let's meet in front of the convenience store by my house.

I: Okay.

I hung up the phone, took out the black mask that had been hanging on the clothesline on the rooftop, and put it on. I pulled the hood down again and carefully stepped out the door.

Jihu: Oh.

In front of the convenience store, Jihu waved his hand.

White t-shirt and jeans. The look I always saw in the neighborhood.

Ji-hoo: Surprisingly... you look fine.

I: What do you mean?

Ji-hoo: I thought you would be more broken down. But compared to yesterday... your eyes are a bit more alive.

I: If not, you would be more worried, right?

After saying that, I was surprised by my own words.

Why am I worrying about him?

Ji-hoo glanced at me for a moment and chuckled.

Ji-hoo: Hey.

I: What?

Ji-hoo: You’re still ‘you’ after all.

I: Of course, you silly.

Ji-hoo: Yeah. You know I have to tell you that, right?

Though I said that, I just turned my head without responding.

Ji-hoo: Let’s go. I know a place where men’s clothes are cheap these days.

Not a big shopping mall, but a street with road shops about two bus stops away from the neighborhood. Ji-hoo chose it on purpose.

Ji-hoo: If there are too many people, I thought you would have a harder time.

I: You’re unnecessarily perceptive...

Ji-hoo: You can say thank you.

Though I said that, a part of my heart warmed a little.

The men’s clothing store smelled different than I expected. The unique air mixed with perfume, detergent, and a faint smell of sweat.

Ji-hoo: Shopping for men’s clothes, is this your first experience?

I: Who would do it because they like it...

Still, I couldn’t help but smile a little.

Clerk: Welcome~!

The clerk approached and looked back and forth between Ji-hoo and me.

Clerk: Are you a couple...?

No.

Ji-hoo and I said it at the same time. And we looked at each other at the same time.

...What was that?

I don’t know. It seems that phrase just comes out automatically.

The clerk smiled awkwardly.

Clerk: I’m sorry. Please feel free to look around and call us if you need anything.

Ji-hoo whispered softly.

Ji-hoo: You know your expression has relaxed a lot compared to earlier, right?

I: What do you mean?

Ji-hoo: Your expression just now was really ‘annoyed neighborhood older sister’.

I: ...Shut up.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

It felt awkward to look at the clothes hanging. Loose t-shirts, oversized shirts, hoodies, jogger pants. Basic items that "every guy should have." The men's clothes were basically all in dark tones. They all seemed the same.

Ji-hoo: First, I'll buy another hoodie and a few short-sleeve t-shirts. For the bottom... two joggers and jeans should be enough?

Ji-hoo handed me the clothes and said.

Ji-hoo: Let's go with neutral colors.

I: Why?

Ji-hoo: If I stand out, you'll worry more.

...That's true. As I stood in front of the fitting room, my heart raced again.

Ji-hoo: Try it on.

I: Here?

Ji-hoo: Where else would I try it on? Do you want me to change on the street?

I: I really don't want to.

Even though I said that, I went into the fitting room and closed the door. In the small mirror, there was another unfamiliar man. This time, dressed almost bare. When I took off the hoodie, the contours of my shoulders and arm muscles became more pronounced. My chest was flat, and my abdomen was slightly toned.

I: Seriously... anyone can tell I'm a guy.

Muttering, I put on the t-shirt. It fit better than I expected. I cautiously tried on the jeans as well. The waist and legs fit perfectly. The man in the mirror was now closer to the "ordinary man seen in society."

But......

It's still strange that the man in the mirror is me. When I opened the door, Ji-hoo was waiting outside.

Ji-hoo: Let me see.

I: No way.

Ji-hoo: What are you embarrassed about? I already styled you halfway.

I: That was women's clothes.

Ji-hoo: ...Do you miss it?

At that question, the answer took a while to come.

I: A little.

Came out more honestly than I expected. Ji-hoo momentarily looked away.

Ji-hoo: Still... it does suit you well now.

I: What does?

Ji-hoo: The clothes.

He spat the words out, but the tips of his ears were slightly red.

Ji-hoo: Anyway, I need to get that and that... Ah, I need to buy underwear too.

At those words, my face instantly became hot.

I: ...Do you really have to say that here?

Jihu: I have to buy something, right? You're not wearing anything inside, are you?

I: I'm wearing something. Women's panties.

Jihu: That's the bigger problem, you know.

Jihu washed his hair.

Jihu: Okay, then... I'll be looking at the checkout, so go over to that underwear corner and pick something out.

The men's underwear corner.

Even from a distance, the boxes had prints of a muscular man's waist and buttocks.

I: ………….

Jihu: Hey.

I: What?

Jihu: Don't just stand there blankly... take a picture and choose. Anyway, all the men's stuff is pretty much the same.

I: Isn't that a bit too blunt?

Still, in the end, I randomly picked a few trunk styles and a few briefs. I chose the colors to be as neutral as possible. As I was heading to the counter, my phone rang.

〈Jeong Rae-eun〉

My heart skipped a beat.

Jihu: Answer it.

Jihu: I'll take care of the checkout.

While he was placing the clothes on the counter, I stepped back into a corner of the store.

I: Hello.

Jeong Rae-eun's voice was calm, similar to yesterday, but there was a hint of fatigue that seemed to have drained her.

Jeong Rae-eun: Are you... okay right now?

I: Yes.

I: I came out to buy clothes with Jihu.

Jeong Rae-eun: Is that so? Good job.

There was a brief silence.

Jeong Rae-eun: ...You need to show your body little by little. If you keep hiding it alone, it becomes scarier.

That statement surprisingly felt comforting.

Jeong Rae-eun: Jang Jihu is...

The counter staff spoke from behind.

Staff: The total comes to 123,000 won.

I heard Jihu taking out his wallet.

Jihu: Here, with a card.

Jeong Rae-eun asked.

Jeong Rae-eun: If it's uncomfortable... we can go together next time.

I: The process of transitioning from women's clothes to men's clothes... is not as easy as I thought.

Jeong Ra-eun: I also… can’t fully understand that feeling, but a little… I can guess.

At those words, a part of my heart shook again. I felt like I was about to burst into tears.

I: Thank you.

I spoke first.

I: I really… didn’t expect you to care this much.

Jeong Ra-eun: You should care.

Her voice lowered slightly.

I: If a doctor… turns a blind eye to what happens to a patient they’ve prescribed medication to, then from that point on, they’re truly a monster.

I: ………

For a moment, I was at a loss for words.

Jeong Ra-eun: Tomorrow… can you stop by again? I just want to do a simple check-up.

I: Yes. I will do that.

Jeong Ra-eun: Got it. Be careful on your way here.

Just as I was about to hang up, Jeong Ra-eun suddenly added.

Jeong Ra-eun: Ji-yoon.

I: Yes?

Jeong Ra-eun: Today… you’ll look good in your clothes.

I: …How do you know without even seeing?

Jeong Ra-eun: Your body… surprisingly, looks good in anything.

At those words, my face strangely heated up. After hanging up, Ji-hoo spoke from behind.

Ji-hoo: Is that Ra-eun teacher?

I: Yeah.

Ji-hoo: Your voice… sounds nice.

I: What?

Ji-hoo: No, it’s just. You smell too much like a person for a doctor.

While saying that, Ji-hoo’s expression strangely hardened.

I: What’s that? Are you jealous?

I threw it out as a half-joke, but he didn’t respond right away.

Ji-hoo: …Hey.

A delayed denial.

Ji-hoo: Don’t say nonsensical things.

Coming home and organizing my clothes was another kind of crisis. The new men’s underwear took up one drawer. Right next to it, the lace panties remained as they were.

I: One of the two… will probably never be used again.

Biting my lip, I changed into a hoodie and tried on new jogger pants. My reflection in the mirror was definitely closer to ‘less suspicious man’ than before.

I: Now... even if we run into each other on the street, no one will look at me with searching eyes.

I don't know if that's a relief or something sad.

My phone rang again. This time, it was a number that wasn't Jeong Ra-eun or Ji-hoo.

[Neogen Perm Customer Support Center]

My heart sank.

I: It was a text message. [Neogen Perm Clinical Support Team] We would like to inform customers who received treatment through Lumen Bio Clinic. To ensure a safer follow-up, please make sure to contact us within today. If there is no response, we may visit the registered address to assist you. N-47 / Extension number: 0XXX-XXXX -

I: ...the registered address?

My lips dried up, and my breath quickened. I called Ji-hoo with trembling hands. As soon as the ringing tone sounded about twice, Ji-hoo picked up right away.

Ji-hoo: Ji-yoon? What's wrong? Your voice... is trembling.

I: Ji-hoo... I got a text from the pharmaceutical company. Something... feels uneasy.

As that one sentence came out, tears suddenly fell. It was a man's voice, but the overwhelming emotion was just the same as before.

I: Wait a moment. Stay there.

I: No, it could just be a text......

Drop.

Instead of an answer, I heard someone coming out from next door. The front door sensor light turned on, and a moment later, ding-dong. When I opened the door, Ji-hoo was standing there. His hair was messier than usual, and he was slightly out of breath.

As soon as Ji-hoo saw my face, he paused for a moment. Because I had a man's face. But after that, he made a hard expression for an unknown reason.

Ji-hoo: ...This isn't good.

I: Ji-hoo, I'm okay. I'm just anxious—

Ji-hoo: It's just that I'm scared.

He cut me off. And in a very short, low voice, he said.

Ji-hoo: Let's sleep at my house today.

My heart sank heavily.

Me: ...What?

Ji-hoo: If I’m at your house right now... I’ll feel even more anxious. And......

He added without avoiding my gaze.

Ji-hoo: It’s just us guys right now. What are you so hesitant about?

I couldn’t say anything. Just us guys, huh. I don’t understand why those words pierce right through my heart.