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by 太宰治

Lately, I've been writing so much about women that I seem to have neglected reporting to my seniors in the same room, so today I'd like to tell you about the students in the "Sakura Room." Yesterday, there was a big fight in the "Sakura Room." It turns out Kappore challenged Katapan.

The cause was pickled plums.

Actually, Kappore had long kept a small Seto bowl, in which he put pickled plums, and he would take it out from the cupboard under his bed to snack on them at every meal. However, recently, mold started to grow on the pickled plums. Kappore thought this was due to the container. He believed that because the lid of the small bowl didn't close properly, bacteria had entered and caused the mold. He was a very clean person by nature and had been constantly thinking about how to find a better container.

Then, one morning at mealtime, Kappore saw that the jar of pickled scallions that Katapan next to him had was empty, and he thought it would be good. The opening was wide, and the lid closed tightly. No bacteria would be able to enter that jar. Since it was already empty, he thought Katapan would readily lend it to him. Although he was reluctant to bow his head to Katapan, he felt that he absolutely needed that pickled scallion jar for hygiene, so after the meal, he timidly asked Katapan to borrow the empty jar.

Katapan looked straight at Kappore's face and said, "What do you want to do with something like this?"

That way of speaking was unbearable for Kappore. In fact, there had been a subtle tension between these two for some time. Kappore had prided himself on being the most handsome man in this health dojo, but recently, Hardtack had suddenly gained a reputation as a handsome man, and Kappore was dissatisfied that his own presence had faded.

"Something like this? Mr. Sugawa, is it alright for you to say such a thing?" Kappore said, a little provocatively.

"Why not?" Katapan replied coldly, without a smile.

"Don't you understand?" Kappore, feeling a bit cornered, forced a laugh and said, "It's not as if I was trying to borrow a pig's tail from you. If you call it 'such a thing,' I'll have no ground to stand on."

"I didn't say 'pig's tail' or anything like that."

"You really don't get it," Kappore raised his voice slightly. "Even if you don't say 'pig's tail,' it's clear to me, so what can I do? Don't make a fool of me. University students and plasterers are all subjects of the same nation, aren't they? How dare you treat me like a pig's tail. If I'm a pig's tail, then you're a lizard's tail. It's about treating everyone equally. I may not have an education, but I do know to value hygiene. If a human doesn't know hygiene, they're no different from a dog or a beast."

It was turning into an argument that made absolutely no sense.

Katapan paid no attention to it at all, clasped his hands behind his head, and lay on his back on the bed. He looked like a man with courage. Kappore sat cross-legged on the bed, swaying his body back and forth, left and right, rolling up his sleeves, and hitting his own knees with his fist, clearly agitated.

"Hey, are you listening, you college student? You wouldn't use judo, would you? Sometimes college students use it, and it's terrifying. I want no part of that. Listen, let me tell you clearly, this dojo is neither a judo dojo nor a dojo for training playboys. Kiyomori, the head of the facility, said it in his lecture the other day. 'You are athletes, athletes who will show the whole of Japan proof that tuberculosis can be completely cured. I earnestly hope for your self-restraint.' Tears came to my eyes then. 'A man who sees what is right and fails to act lacks courage,' as they say. There is great courage and small courage. That's why, for a human being, wisdom, benevolence, and courage—these three are important. Being popular with women is not the issue." It was almost incoherent. Still, Kappore turned pale and raised his voice even louder. "That's why, that's why, hygiene naturally becomes important. Always hygiene, fire safety—that's what I think they're talking about. You absolutely cannot compare a single human being to a pig's tail."

"Stop it, stop it," Echigo-jishi interjected to mediate. Echigo-jishi had been lying silently on the bed until then, but at that moment, he sat up abruptly, got off the bed, and tapped Kappore on the shoulder from behind, saying "Stop it, stop it" in a somewhat dignified tone.

Kappore spun around to face Echigo-jishi and hugged him. Then, burying his face into Echigo-jishi's chest, he started crying, letting out distinct sobs, "Uwah, uwah." In the hallway, five or six students from other rooms were peeking in, observing the situation.

"Don't look!" Echigo-jishi yelled at the students in the hallway. He had been impressive until then, but then he said something a little awkward. "It's not a fight! It's just, just, hmm, just, just, hmm," he mumbled, glancing at me as if at a loss.

“A play,” I said in a low voice.

“It’s merely,” Echigo regained his vigor, and shouted, “the effect of a play.”

I didn’t know what he meant by “the effect of a play,” but I suspect he thought it would be beneath his dignity to simply repeat what a junior like me had taught him, and so he suddenly came up with and shouted that unusual phrase, “the effect of a play.” Perhaps adults always live under such strain.

Kappore, looking like a lion cub held by its parent, shook his head and sobbed, then began to complain in slurred speech.

“I’ve never been so utterly humiliated in my life. I wasn’t raised poorly. My own father never hit me, but I was treated like a pig’s tail, and my stomach is boiling. So, I thought I’d give a proper greeting, and I only said the best things. I intended to choose and say only the best parts. I really thought I was saying only the best things, but lying on that bed, pretending not to know, what kind of attitude was that! I’m so frustrated and regretful, I can’t stand it. What kind of attitude was that! When someone is saying the best things, that attitude! I’ve grown to hate the world. When someone says the best things,—”

He began to repeat the same things over and over.

Echigo gently laid Kappore on the bed. Kappore lay with his back to the hard bread, covering his face with both hands, and sobbed for a while, but then quietly fell asleep. He remained still even when it was time for the eight o’clock stretching exercises.

It was truly a strange quarrel. However, by lunchtime, they were back to their usual cheerful selves, and when Katapan brought a clean, empty pickle jar, they bowed politely and accepted it readily. After lunch, they happily transferred pickled plums one by one from a small Seto bowl to the pickle jar. I thought that if everyone in the world were as easygoing as Katapan, this world would surely be a more pleasant place to live.

Enough about the quarrel, I have one more brief report.

This afternoon's friction partner was Take-san. I told Take-san a little about you.

"There's someone who says they really like Take-san."

Take-san hardly speaks during friction. She always smiles coolly in silence.

"They said Take-san is ten times better than Ma-bo."

"Who said that?" the Silent Lady also said in a low voice. She seemed pleased with the compliment that Take-san was better than Ma-bo. Women are such shallow creatures.

"Are you happy?"

"I don't like it," Take-san said only that one word, and continued the friction roughly. She frowned, looking displeased.

"Are you angry? That person is really a good guy, you know. A poet."

"How disgusting. Hibari has been no good lately," she said, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her left hand.

"Is that so? Well then, I won't tell you anymore."

Take-san remained silent. She continued the friction in silence. When it was over and she was leaving, Take-san pushed back a stray lock of hair, smiled strangely, and said,

"Very sorry."

She probably meant to say, "I'm sorry." Take-san isn't so bad after all, is she? How about it, won't you come to our dojo when you have some free time? I'll show you your beloved Take-san. Just kidding, my apologies. It's getting cooler morning and evening. It's important to always maintain hygiene and be careful with fire. Please study for both of us.

September 22nd