Seven to nine

by Natsume Sōseki

It was during the summer, a year later, that I accomplished my third return home. Eagerly waiting for the end of the school year exams, I escaped from Tokyo. It was because I missed my hometown so much. You must remember, the place where I was born has a different color of air, and the scent of the land is special. The memories of my father and mother linger there thickly. For seven or eight months of the year, being wrapped in that place, like a snake entering a hole, was the warmest and most comfortable thing for me.

I, being simple-minded, thought there was no need to worry too much about the marriage issue with my cousin. I believed that if I rejected something unpleasant, that would be the end of it. Therefore, even though I did not go against my uncle's wishes, I was rather at ease. For the past year, I had not worried about such things and returned to my country in good spirits.

However, when I returned, my uncle's attitude had changed. He no longer welcomed me as kindly as before. Still, having grown up leisurely, I did not notice this for the first four or five days after my return. But then, at a sudden moment, I began to think it was strange. It wasn't just my uncle; my aunt, my cousin, and even my uncle's son, who had informed me by letter that he intended to enter a commercial high school in Tokyo after graduating from middle school, all seemed odd.

I couldn't help but think. Why had my heart changed like this? No, why had they changed like this? I wondered if my suddenly deceased father and mother had washed my dull eyes, making the world suddenly clear to me. I had believed, somewhere deep in my heart, that even after my father and mother were gone from this world, they would still love me. Of course, even at that time, I was never completely oblivious to reason. However, the superstitions inherited from my ancestors lurked in my blood with strong power. Even now, they likely still lurk there.

I went to the mountains alone and knelt before my parents' grave. I knelt with half mourning and half gratitude. And I prayed to them, feeling as if my future happiness was held in their hands lying beneath this cold stone, asking them to protect my fate. You might laugh. I think it's only natural to be laughed at. However, I was that kind of person.

My world changed completely. However, this was not my first experience. When I was around sixteen or seventeen, I discovered for the first time that there were beautiful things in the world, and I was taken aback. I doubted my own eyes many times and rubbed them repeatedly. And in my heart, I cried out, "Ah, how beautiful." At the age of sixteen or seventeen, both boys and girls begin to develop what is commonly referred to as charm. With this newfound charm, I was able to see a woman for the first time as a representative of the beautiful things in the world. My blind eyes, which had not noticed the existence of the opposite sex until then, suddenly opened. Since then, my world became entirely new.

Noticing my uncle's attitude was exactly the same. Suddenly, a change came to my heart. It arrived unexpectedly, without any premonition or preparation. He and his family appeared to me as if they were completely different from before. I was astonished. I felt as if I didn't know what would happen to my future if things continued like this.

"I have developed a feeling of guilt towards my deceased parents, realizing that I need to gain detailed knowledge about the family assets that I had entrusted to my uncle until now. My uncle claims to be a busy man and does not stay in the same place every night. He alternates between spending two days at home and three days in the city, living each day with an unsettled expression. He often uses the word 'busy' as if it were a habit. When there was no doubt, I thought he must indeed be busy. However, when I looked at it with the purpose of discussing matters regarding the assets, it began to seem like nothing more than an excuse to avoid me. I did not easily get the chance to catch my uncle."

I heard rumors that my uncle has a mistress in the city. I learned this rumor from an old middle school classmate. It is not surprising for this uncle to have a mistress, but since I had never heard such rumors when my father was alive, I was taken aback. My friend also shared various other rumors about my uncle. One of them was that, although he seemed to be on the verge of failure in his business, he suddenly made a comeback in the past two or three years. This further strengthened my suspicions.

I finally decided to have a discussion with my uncle. The term 'discussion' might sound a bit inappropriate, but given the course of the conversation, it naturally settled into a description that could only be characterized by such a word. My uncle tries to treat me like a child at every turn. I was once again looking at him with suspicion from the very beginning. There was no way it would be resolved peacefully.

Unfortunately, I am in such a hurry that I cannot write the details of that discussion here. To be honest, I have something much more important waiting for me. I am barely managing to hold back my pen, which is eager to reach there quickly. Having permanently lost the chance to meet you and talk quietly, I must not only refrain from writing what I want due to my unfamiliarity with writing but also because I value my precious time.

Do you still remember when I once told you that there are no born villains in this world? Many good people can suddenly become villains in critical moments, so one must not let their guard down. At that time, you pointed out that I was too excited. Then you asked in what situations a good person turns into a villain. When I answered, "Just one bite of gold," you made a dissatisfied face. I still clearly remember that expression.

In fact, at that time, I was thinking about this uncle of mine. I was reflecting on the idea that there are no credible examples in the world of ordinary people suddenly becoming villains when faced with money, while harboring hatred towards this uncle. My answer may have seemed unsatisfactory and trivial to you. However, for me, it was a living answer. In reality, I was excited. I believe that speaking about ordinary things with passionate feelings is more alive than calmly expressing new ideas. It is because the body moves with the power of blood. Words not only transmit vibrations to the air but can also strongly influence something much stronger.

In short, my uncle deceived me out of my fortune. This happened easily during the three years I was in Tokyo. I was complacent, leaving everything to my uncle, and in the eyes of society, I was truly a fool. However, from a perspective beyond society, one might say I was a pure and noble man. Looking back at myself at that time, I wonder why people couldn't have been born worse, and I am filled with regret for being too honest. Yet, at the same time, I also feel a desire to return to that original state of being and live once more. Remember, the person you know is the one who has been tainted by dust. If we call those with many years of dirt on them seniors, then I am certainly your senior.

If I had married my uncle's daughter as he wished, would the outcome have been materially advantageous for me? I think it goes without saying. My uncle tried to impose his daughter on me through schemes. It was not a favorable arrangement for the convenience of both families, but rather a more base self-interest that brought up the marriage issue. Although I did not love my cousin, I did not dislike her either, but looking back, rejecting that proposal brought me a bit of pleasure. Either way, being deceived is the same, but not taking my cousin means that my will was somewhat respected in that it did not go as they wished. However, that is a trivial matter hardly worth mentioning. From your perspective, which is not particularly related, it may seem like foolish stubbornness.

There were other relatives between my uncle and me, but I did not trust them at all. Not only did I not trust them, but I also viewed them as enemies. While I felt that my uncle had deceived me, I also thought that others would surely deceive me as well. If even my uncle, whom my father praised so highly, could be like this, then what about the others, was my logic.

Even so, they gathered my belongings for me. However, the amount was far below my expectations. I had only two options: to accept it silently or to go public against my uncle. I was filled with anger and hesitation. I feared that if I pursued legal action, it would take a long time to resolve. I was still in training, and I thought it would be extremely painful to lose precious time as a student. As a result of my deliberation, I asked an old friend from middle school in the city to help me convert everything I received into cash. My old friend advised me against it, but I did not listen. At that moment, I resolved to leave my hometown and vowed in my heart never to see my uncle's face again.

Before leaving the country, I visited my father and mother's grave once more. Since then, I have not seen that grave. I will likely never have the chance to see it again.

My old friend arranged everything according to my words, but that was quite some time after I arrived in Tokyo. Even if I tried to sell the fields and land in the countryside, it would not sell easily, and when it came down to it, there was a risk of being taken advantage of, so the amount I received was much less than the market value. To be honest, my assets consisted only of a small amount of government bonds I had brought with me when I left home and the money my friend sent me later. As for my parents' inheritance, it had certainly decreased significantly. However, since I did not actively reduce it, I felt even worse about it. Still, it was more than enough to live as a student. To be honest, I couldn't even use half of the interest that would come later. This comfortable student life led me into an unexpected situation.