Eleven (3/5)

by Natsume Sōseki

“What do you mean by flaunting it?”

“I might show off my costume or tools, but I flaunt my tobacco.”

“Well, if it’s going to be such a painful experience, wouldn’t it be better to just accept it?”

“However, I don’t accept it. I’m a man too.”

“Oh, so you can’t accept it?”

“I might be able to, but I don’t.”

“So what did you do?”

“Instead of accepting it, I secretly stole it.”

“Oh dear.”

“Since he went out to the hot water with a hand towel hanging, I thought I had no choice but to drink here, and I was drinking with single-minded determination. Ah, before I could even think it was amusing, the shoji suddenly opened, and when I turned around, the owner of the tobacco was there.”

“Didn’t you go into the hot water?”

“When I thought about going in, I realized I had forgotten my pouch and turned back from the hallway. I should have just gone to get my pouch, but that would have been rude.”

“I can’t say anything about that, it’s the tobacco’s handling.”

“Hahaha, the old man has quite the keen eye. Regardless of the pouch, when the old man opened the shoji, the smoke from the tobacco I had been hoarding for two days was thick in the room. It’s true what they say, ‘A bad deed travels a thousand miles.’ It was exposed in an instant.”

“Did the old man say anything?”

“As expected of his age, he said nothing and wrapped five or six dozen rolled tobaccos in thin paper, saying, ‘Excuse me, but if this coarse leaf is acceptable, please feel free to smoke it,’ and then went back down to the hot water.”

“Is that what they call Edo taste?”

“Whether it’s Edo taste or kimono shop taste, I don’t know, but after that, I had a great time with the old man and stayed for two weeks before returning.”

“So the tobacco was treated by the old man for two weeks?”

“Well, something like that.”

“Have you already put away the violin?” the master finally closed the book and, while getting up, surrendered.

“Not yet. The interesting part is just about to begin. It's the perfect time, so please listen. By the way, I want that teacher who is napping on the go board—what was his name, um, Dokusen-sensei—to hear this too. What do you think? Sleeping like that is bad for your health. It's already okay to wake him up.”

“Hey, Dokusen-kun, you’re awake, you’re awake. I have an interesting story. Wake up. Sleeping like that is bad for you. Your wife is worried.”

As Dokusen-kun lifted his face while saying, “Huh?”, a long strand of drool flowed down his goat beard, shining like a trail left by a snail.

“Ah, I was sleepy. The white clouds on the mountain resemble my laziness. Ah, I had a good sleep.”

“Everyone acknowledges that you slept, but how about waking up a little?”

“Well, I guess it’s okay to wake up now. Is there something interesting to talk about?”

“From now on, we’re finally going to play the violin—what was it again, Kusami-kun?”

“I have no idea what it’s going to be.”

“From now on, we’re really going to play.”

“We’re really going to play the violin now. Come over here and listen.”

“Still the violin, huh? This is troublesome.”

“You’re one of those who play the stringless instrument, so you’re not too troubled, but Kangugetsu-kun’s playing can be heard squeaking and peeping in the neighborhood, so it’s quite a bother.”

“Is that so? Kangugetsu-kun, don’t you know how to play the violin so that it can’t be heard in the neighborhood?”

“I don’t know, but I’d like to hear about it if there is such a method.”

“You should be able to tell just by looking at the white cow in the alley,” he said, making a comment that seemed to not connect. Since he judged that Kangugetsu-kun was probably just babbling in his drowsiness, he deliberately moved on without engaging him in conversation.

“Finally, I came up with a plan. The next day is the Tencho-sai, so I stayed home from morning, taking the lid off the box and putting it back on, spending the whole day fidgeting, but as the day finally came to an end and the bottom of the box started to make noise, I decided to take out the violin and bow.”

“You finally took it out,” said Higashikaze-kun, to which Meitei-kun cautioned, “It’s dangerous to play it too often.”

“First, I’ll take the bow and check it from the tip to the guard…”

“It’s not like you’re a bad swordsmith,” Meitei-kun coldly remarked.

“In fact, when I think of it as my own soul, it feels like the heart of a samurai sharpening a famous sword, drawing it from its sheath in the light of a long night. I trembled while holding the bow.”

“You’re truly a genius,” said Higashikaze-kun, to which Meitei-kun added, “You’re truly insane.” The master said, “It would be better if you played quickly.” Dokusen-kun looked troubled.

“Fortunately, the bow is safe. Now, I’ll pull the violin close to the lamp and check it thoroughly on both sides. Please imagine that for about five minutes, the bottom of the box is constantly making noise…”

“Think whatever you want, so just relax and play.”

“I’m not playing yet. — Fortunately, the violin is also unharmed. With this, I can stand up confidently…”

“Are you going somewhere?”

“Well, please be quiet for a moment. Yes, I can’t talk if I’m interrupted every line…”

“Hey, everyone, he says to be quiet. Shh.”

“You’re the only one talking.”

“Yeah, I see, that’s rude, I’ll listen attentively.”

“I tucked the violin under my arm and stepped out of the grass door with my sandals on, but wait a moment…”

“Look, here you are. I thought for sure there would be a power outage somewhere.”

“There’s no sweet-dried persimmon left even if you’ve come back.”

“Yes, it is indeed very regrettable that the various teachers have mixed in, but there is no choice but to deal with only you, Higashikaze-kun. — Now listen, Higashikaze-kun, after taking a few steps out, turn back and put the red blanket you bought for three yen and twenty sen on your head, and when you suddenly turn off the lamp, you will find that it becomes pitch dark, and this time you won’t be able to tell where your sandals are.”

“Where on earth are you going?”

“Well, listen closely. After finally finding my sandals and stepping outside, under the starry night with fallen persimmon leaves, and with the red blanket and violin, as I approach Kōshinzan with my toes pointed right, the bell of Tōrei-ji rang through the blanket, resonating through my ears and echoing in my head. What time do you think it is, my friend?”

“I don’t know.”

"It's nine o'clock. From now on, I'm going to climb about eight chō up the mountain path alone to a place called Ōhira, and normally, being the coward I am, I would be terrified. However, when I become completely absorbed in something, it's strange how I no longer feel fear. My heart is just filled with the desire to play the violin, which is quite odd. This place called Ōhira is located on the southern side of Kōshin Mountain, and on a clear day, you can enjoy a breathtaking view of the castle town through the red pines. It's probably about a hundred tsubo in size, and in the middle, there's a single rock that is about eight tatami mats in size. To the north, there's a pond called U-no-numa, surrounded by camphor trees that are three embraces wide. Since it's in the mountains, the only place where people live is a small hut that collects camphor, and the area near the pond isn't very pleasant even during the day. Fortunately, the engineers cleared a path for their exercises, so climbing wasn't too difficult. I finally reached the top of the rock, laid out a blanket, and somehow sat on it. This is the first time I've climbed on such a cold night, so as I sat on the rock and calmed down a bit, the loneliness around me gradually seeped into my gut. At times like this, the only emotion that disturbs my heart is fear, so when I remove that feeling, all that remains is just the pure and cold air. After about twenty minutes of being dazed, I felt as if I were the only one living inside a palace made of crystal. Moreover, my body—no, not just my body, but my heart and soul too—seemed to be as transparent as if made of agar, and I couldn't tell if I was inside the crystal palace or if the crystal palace was inside my belly..."

"It seems like you've flown away," Meitei-kun teased seriously, and Dokusen-kun showed a bit of admiration, saying, "What an interesting boundary."

"If this state continues for a long time, I might have just sat dazed on the rock without playing the precious violin until tomorrow morning..."

“Is there a fox around?” asked Higashikaze-kun.

“In such a state, with no distinction between self and others, not knowing whether I was alive or dead, or even which direction I was facing, suddenly I heard a scream from deep within the old swamp behind me…”

“Finally, it came out.”

“The sound echoed far away, and I thought it had crossed the autumn treetops of the mountains along with the wild wind, but then I suddenly came to my senses…”

“I finally felt relieved,” said Meitei-kun, pretending to wipe his brow.

“Great death, a new universe,” said Dokusen-kun, exchanging glances, but it completely went over Kangetsu-kun's head.

“Then, when I came to my senses and looked around, the whole surface of Koushin Mountain was silent, not even a sound of raindrops. I wondered what that sound was. It was too sharp to be a human voice, too loud to be a bird's voice, and as for a monkey's voice—there shouldn’t be any monkeys around here. What could it be? As the question of what it was floated in my mind, my previously silent thoughts began to swirl in my head like the frenzy of the townspeople welcoming Prince Connote at that time. Suddenly, all the pores of my body opened wide, and like the hair on my shins being sprayed with shochu, the courage, guts, discernment, and composure that I called upon began to evaporate. My heart started dancing the steppin' under my ribs, and my legs began to tremble like a paper kite. This was unbearable. Suddenly, I threw a blanket over my head, tucked a violin under my arm, and stumbled down a boulder, rushing down the mountain path toward the foot of the mountain, returning to the inn and wrapping myself in a futon to sleep. Even now, I can't think of anything that felt as creepy as that, Higashikaze-kun.”

“And then?”

“That’s the end of it.”

“Aren’t you going to play the violin?”

“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. It was a scream, after all. You wouldn’t be able to play either.”

“Somehow, I feel like your story is a bit unsatisfying.”

"It may feel that way, but it's the truth. What do you think, Sensei?" said Kangugetsu-kun, looking around the group with great pride.

"Hahaha, this is excellent. To get it to that point, you must have gone through quite a bit of hardship. I thought I was listening seriously to the emergence of Sandra Beroni in the land of Eastern Gentlemen," said Meitei-kun, thinking someone would ask about Sandra Beroni's lecture, but since no questions arose, he continued, "Sandra Beroni playing the harp under the moon and singing an Italian-style song in the forest is a different yet similar piece to you climbing Koshin Mountain with a violin. Unfortunately, over there, she startled Chang'e in the moon, while you were startled by the strange raccoon of the ancient swamp, resulting in a significant difference between the ridiculous and the sublime. That must be regrettable," he explained to himself.

"It's not that regrettable," Kangugetsu-kun surprisingly replied nonchalantly.

"In general, trying to play the violin on the mountain is what makes you get scared because you're being fashionable," the host added with harsh criticism.

"Good man, it's a pity to make a living in this den," said Dokusen-kun with a sigh. What Dokusen-kun said was never understood by Kangugetsu-kun. It probably wouldn't be understood by anyone else either.

"By the way, Kangugetsu-kun, are you still going to school to polish your pearls?" Meitei-sensei changed the topic after a while.

"No, I was back in my hometown recently, so I've paused for a while. I'm already tired of the pearls, and to be honest, I'm thinking of quitting," he replied.

"But you can't become a doctor if you can't polish pearls," the host frowned slightly, but Kangugetsu-kun surprisingly seemed relaxed.

"A doctor, huh? Hehehe. I don't really need to become one anymore," he said.

"But delaying marriage will be troublesome for both sides," the host pointed out.

"Whose marriage are you talking about?"

"Yours."

"Who am I marrying?"

"The daughter of Kaneda."

"Ohhh."

"Ohhh? But you have such a promise, don't you?"

"There is no promise, don't spread such things, it's their own business."

"This guy is a bit rough. Hey, Meitei, you know about that incident too, right?"

"That incident, you mean the nose incident, right? It's not just you and me who know about that matter. It's a public secret; everyone knows. In fact, in Mancho, they keep asking me when they were honored with the title 'Bride and Groom' featuring your photos. Higashi Kaze has already created a major work titled 'Oshidori Uta' and has been waiting for three months, but he seems worried that the masterpiece might go to waste because Kangetsu hasn't become a doctor yet. Hey, Higashi Kaze, isn't that right?"

"It's not something to worry about yet, but anyway, I intend to publicly present a work filled with heartfelt sympathy."

"See, whether or not you become a doctor will influence those around you. Get it together and polish your skills."

"Hehehe, I'm sorry for causing various worries, but I don't need to become a doctor anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I already have a clear wife."

"Huh? When did you secretly get married? It's a world where you can't let your guard down. Kurusami-san, as you just heard, Kangetsu already has a wife and children."

"I don't have children yet. There's no way a child would be born within a month of marriage."

"Originally, when and where did you get married?" the master throws a question like a preliminary judge.

"When? When I returned to my country, she was waiting for me properly. This bonito flakes I brought to the teacher today was a wedding gift from relatives."

"Celebrating with just three pieces is stingy."

"No, I brought only three from a lot."

"So, she's a woman from your country. She must be quite dark-skinned."

"Yes, she's pitch black. Just right for me."

"So what are you planning to do about Kaneda?"

"I have no plans."

"Isn't that a bit ungrateful? Hey, Meitei."

"It's not ungrateful. It would be the same no matter what else you do. After all, marriage is like running into each other in the dark. In short, it's unnecessary to deliberately run into each other when you could avoid it. If it's already unnecessary, it doesn't matter whose bowls collide. The only unfortunate one is someone like Kōfū-kun, who composed the 'Oshidori Uta'."

"The 'Oshidori Uta' can be directed this way depending on the circumstances. I'll compose another one for the Kaneda family's wedding."

"As expected of a poet, it's quite flexible."

"Have you turned down Kaneda?" the master still seemed concerned about Kaneda.

"No. I have no reason to decline. Since I have neither requested anything from them nor have they proposed anything to me, it’s fine as long as I remain silent. -- In this day and age, detectives know everything from start to finish, even if there are ten or twenty of them."

Upon hearing the word 'detective,' the master suddenly made a bitter face and declared, "Hmph, then just keep quiet," but perhaps still unsatisfied, he began to exaggerate about detectives.

"Picking someone's pocket at an inopportune moment is theft, and fishing for someone's thoughts at an inopportune moment is what a detective does. Stealing someone's belongings by stealthily removing the storm shutters is burglary, and reading someone's heart by inadvertently slipping up is what a detective does. Forcing someone's money by stabbing a dagger into the tatami is robbery, and coercing someone's will with threats is what a detective does. Therefore, those who call themselves detectives are of the same lineage as thieves, burglars, and robbers, and cannot be placed above others. Listening to such people becomes a habit. Never give in."

"It's alright. Even if a thousand or two thousand detectives line up and attack from the windward side, I am not afraid. I am the master of polishing pearls, Dr. Suishima Kanketsu."

"It's quite nerve-wracking to look up like that. As expected, the newlywed scholar is full of energy. However, Kurusami-san, if a detective is of the same kind as a pickpocket, thief, or robber, what kind of person is Kaneda-kun, who employs such a detective?"

"He must be like Kumisaka Nagahō."

"Kumisaka is doing well. They say that what seemed to be one Nagahō has turned into two and has disappeared, but that Nagahō from Mukoyachō, who made a fortune with such a crow's gold, is a greedy person who is always worried about losing, no matter how old he gets. If you get caught by someone like that, it's karma. You'll be haunted for life, Kangugetsu-kun, so be careful."

"Oh, it's fine. That thief is quite something. You already know their skills. Even so, if they dare to break in, I'll make them regret it," Kangugetsu-kun said calmly, showing off his skills in the Hōshū style.

"Speaking of detectives, it seems that people of the twentieth century tend to become like detectives, but I wonder why that is," Dokusen-kun posed a transcendent question unrelated to current affairs, as only he could.

"It's probably because of the high prices," Kangugetsu-kun replied.

"It's probably because they don't understand artistic taste," Tōfū-kun answered.

"It's because humans have the horns of civilization growing, making them irritable like gold and rice sugar," Meitei-kun replied.

Now it was the master's turn. The master began this discussion in a pompous tone.

"This is something I've thought about quite a bit. According to my interpretation, the detective-like tendency of modern people is entirely due to an overly strong sense of self-awareness. What I call self-awareness is not the kind of enlightenment that Dokusen-kun refers to, such as seeing nature and attaining Buddhahood, or the idea that the self is one with heaven and earth..."

"Oh, it seems to have gotten quite complicated. Kurusami-kun, since you are engaging in such a grand debate, I, who am also speaking here, will boldly express my grievances against modern civilization later," Meitei said, somewhat hesitantly.

"Feel free to say whatever you want, even though you have nothing to say."

“However, there is. There is greatly. You, for instance, recently revered the detective inspector as if he were a god, and today you compare detectives to pickpockets; it is indeed a contradiction, but I, on the other hand, have been a man who has never changed my views from the time before my parents were born until now.”

“A detective is a detective. A detective is a detective. What happened before is before, and today is today. Not changing one’s views is proof of not developing. The saying that the foolish do not change applies to you…”

“This is harsh. When a detective comes so straightforwardly, there is something endearing about it.”

“I am the detective.”

“Just because you are not a detective, it is good to be honest. Let’s stop the quarrel. Now, let’s listen to the continuation of that grand debate.”

What people today are overly aware of is that there is a clear gap of interests between oneself and others. As civilization progresses, this awareness becomes more acute day by day, and ultimately, one becomes unable to act naturally even in the smallest gestures. A person named Henley remarked about Stevenson that he was someone who could not help but see his own reflection every time he passed in front of a mirror in a room with mirrors, unable to forget himself even for a moment; this precisely reflects the current situation.

Whether asleep or awake, since one is constantly aware of oneself following everywhere, human actions and words become artificial, and one becomes increasingly constrained. The world only becomes more and more painful, and just like the feelings of young men and women on a blind date, one must be mindful from morning till night. A calm mindset and composed attitude have become meaningless words. In this regard, people today are both detective-like and thief-like. Since a detective’s business is to cleverly maneuver while avoiding the eyes of others, it cannot be sustained without a strong sense of self-awareness. Similarly, a thief cannot escape the constant worry of being caught or discovered, so they too inevitably develop a strong sense of self-awareness.

People today are constantly thinking about how to benefit themselves or incur losses, whether they are awake or asleep. Therefore, they cannot help but develop a strong sense of self-awareness, just like detectives and thieves. Their hearts are filled with anxiety, always sneaking around, unable to find a moment of peace until they enter the grave. This is the heart of people today. It is a curse of civilization. It is ridiculous.

“I see, that’s an interesting interpretation,” said Dokusen-kun. When it comes to such topics, Dokusen-kun is a man who does not easily back down. “Kusami-kun’s explanation captures my thoughts well. People in the past taught to forget oneself, but people today teach not to forget oneself, which is completely different. Since they are filled with the consciousness of self all the time, there is never a moment of peace. It is always like a hell of scorching heat. If there is any remedy in the world, it is nothing more than forgetting oneself. ‘Entering the state of no self under the moon at the third watch’ is a verse that expresses this state. Even when people today show kindness, it lacks naturalness. The act of boasting about English niceties is, in fact, a result of excessive self-awareness.”

“Is that the English taste?” asked Kanguu-kun.

“I have heard a story like this,” the master continued. “In a certain British barracks, the officers of a regiment once entertained a non-commissioned officer. After the banquet, when they brought out water for washing hands in a glass bowl, the non-commissioned officer, perhaps unaccustomed to banquets, put the glass bowl to his mouth and gulped down the water. Then, the regimental commander suddenly declared a toast to the health of the non-commissioned officer and drank the same water in one go. After that, the surrounding officers also raised their cups to toast the health of the non-commissioned officer.”

"There's a story like this," said Meitei-kun, who disliked silence, as he opened his mouth. "When Carlyle first met the Empress, he was an eccentric unfamiliar with court etiquette, so he suddenly sat down in a chair while saying, 'How do you do?' At that moment, many attendants and court ladies standing behind the Empress began to giggle—not that they actually laughed, but they were about to. Then the Empress turned around and signaled something, and before anyone knew it, the attendants and court ladies also sat down, so Carlyle did not lose face, and it was quite a thoughtful kindness."

"If it were Carlyle, he might have been fine even if everyone stood," Kangetsu-kun attempted a brief commentary.

"The awareness of kindness is all well and good," continued Dokusen-kun. "But just having that awareness makes it more difficult to be kind. It's unfortunate. People usually say that as civilization progresses, the harshness diminishes, and interpersonal relations become gentler, but that's a big mistake. With such strong awareness, how can one become gentler? Certainly, at first glance, it seems quiet and safe, but the interactions between individuals are very painful. It's like sumo wrestlers locked in a stalemate in the center of the ring. From the outside, it looks completely peaceful, but inside, they are turbulent."

"Fights in the past were violent and oppressive, so they were less sinful, but recently they have become more sophisticated, which increases the awareness," Ban brought the conversation back to Meitei-sensei. "Bacon said that only by following the forces of nature can one truly conquer nature, and today's fights are indeed structured according to Bacon's maxim, which is quite remarkable. It's just like jujutsu. Thinking of using the enemy's strength to defeat them..."