Nine

by Natsume Sōseki

On the morning of Ura-nari-kun's farewell party, on my way to school, Yama-arashi suddenly appeared. He asked me to come out because Ura-nari-kun was causing trouble and he was in a bind. I took it seriously and told Ura-nari-kun to go out, but later when I asked around, I found out that Yama-arashi was a bad guy, doing things like selling forgeries using fake handwriting. So, Ura-nari-kun's situation must also be nonsense. He was trying to sell hanging scrolls and antiques to Ura-nari-kun, but since Ura-nari-kun didn't engage with him, he saw no profit and told such a lie. I apologized to Ura-nari-kun for being very rude since I didn't know Yama-arashi.

I took the one sen five rin that was on Yama-arashi's desk without saying anything and put it in my own money pouch. Yama-arashi was surprised and suspiciously asked, "Are you really going to take that?" I explained, "Yeah, I didn't want to be treated by you, so I intended to return it, but thinking about it, it seems better to be treated, so I'm taking it." Yama-arashi laughed loudly, "Then why didn't you take it sooner?" Actually, I had intended to take it, but it felt strange, so I left it as it was. When I mentioned that it had become painful to see the one sen five rin at school recently, he retorted, "You must be quite a sore loser." I replied, "You must be quite stubborn." Thus, a dialogue like this began between the two of us.

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from Edo."

"I see, an Edo person. No wonder you're such a sore loser."

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from Aizu."

"Aizu, huh? That explains your stubbornness. Are you going to the farewell party today?"

"Of course, are you?"

"I'm definitely going. When Koga-san stands up, I plan to see him off to the beach."

"The farewell party is fun, you should come. I'm planning to drink a lot today."

"Go ahead and drink as you please. I'll eat my snacks and head home right away. Anyone who drinks is a fool."

"You're a man who picks fights easily. Indeed, you well represent the frivolous nature of Edoites."

"Anything is fine, just stop by my place before the farewell party. I have something to discuss."

Yamaarashi stopped by my lodging as promised. Recently, every time I saw Urana-kun's face, I felt an overwhelming pity, but when the farewell day finally arrived, it felt somewhat pathetic, and I wished I could go in his place if possible. So, I thought I would give a grand speech at the farewell party to liven up the atmosphere, but with my brash style, that was utterly impossible. Therefore, I considered hiring Yamaarashi, who has a loud voice, to crush the bravado of the red shirt.

I first started my speech with the Madonna incident, but of course, Yamaarashi knew more about that incident than I did. When I talked about the embankment of the Noseki River and said, "That guy is a fool," Yamaarashi replied, "Don't call everyone a fool. Didn't you just call yourself a fool at school today? If you're a fool, then the red shirt isn't a fool. You claimed you're not the same kind as the red shirt." When I said that the red shirt is a spineless idiot, Yamaarashi agreed wholeheartedly, saying, "That might be true." Yamaarashi is strong, but when it comes to such words, he knows far fewer characters than I do. Everyone from Aizu is probably like this.

Then, when I talked about the salary increase incident and how the red shirt said he would promote me heavily in the future, Yama-arashi let out a sound from his nose and said, "So you're thinking of dismissing me, huh?" When I asked if he was going to be dismissed, he boasted greatly, saying, "Who would? If I get dismissed, I'll make sure the red shirt gets dismissed too." When I asked why he intended to have the red shirt dismissed as well, he replied, "I haven't thought about that yet." Yama-arashi seems strong, but he doesn't seem very wise. When I mentioned that I had declined the salary increase, he praised me, saying, "Boss, I'm very happy, as expected from an Edokko, you're great."

When I asked why Ura-nari didn't push for a retention movement if he disliked it so much, he said that by the time he heard from Ura-nari, it had already been decided. He had negotiated with the principal twice and with the red shirt once, but he couldn't do anything about it. He also mentioned that Koga was too good a person, which made things difficult. When he had the conversation with the red shirt, he should have either firmly refused or at least said he would think about it, but he was deceived by that eloquence and gave his consent on the spot. He regretted that even when his mother cried out for help and he went to negotiate, it didn't help at all.

When I said that this incident was entirely a strategy by the red shirt to distance Ura-nari and get his hands on Madonna, Yama-arashi replied, "Of course, it must be so. That guy has a calm face but commits evil deeds, and when someone says something, he makes sure to create an escape route and waits, so he must be quite a cunning person." He rolled up his arm covered with lumps and said, "For a guy like that, only a fist of iron will work." I then asked, "Your arm looks strong, do you practice jujutsu?" Yama-arashi flexed his bicep and said, "Go ahead and grab it." When I poked it with my fingers, it turned out to be nothing more than something like a pumice stone found in a bathhouse.

I was quite impressed, so I said, "With skills like yours, you could probably knock down five or six guys in red shirts at once." He replied, "Of course," while stretching and contracting his bent arm, making the muscle bulge rotate within the skin. It was extremely amusing. According to the proof of the mountain storm, if you twist two strands of kanjin together and wrap them around where this muscle bulge appears, and bend your arm a lot, it will snap. I said, "If it's just with kanjin, I think I could do it too," and he responded, "No way, if you can do it, then try it." Since it would look bad if I couldn't do it, I hesitated.

I jokingly suggested, "How about this? After drinking a lot at tonight's farewell party, we go and hit the guys in red shirts and Noda?" After thinking for a moment, Yamaarashi said, "Well, let's skip it tonight." When I asked for the reason, he added, "It's because I feel sorry for Koga tonight. Also, if we're going to hit them, we should wait until we see their bad sides, or else we'll end up being the bad guys." It seems Yamaarashi has more sense than I do.

I said, "Then give a speech and praise Koga a lot. If I do it, I'll just sound like a typical Edoite and it won't have any weight." Yamaarashi asked, "Are you suddenly going to get a lump in your throat and be unable to speak? Can't you talk in front of people? That would be a problem." I replied, "It's not that big of a problem."

While we were talking, the time came, so I headed to the venue with Yamaarashi. The venue is said to be the best restaurant in the area, called Kashintei, but I had never set foot in it before. I heard it was originally a samurai's residence that was bought and opened as is, and indeed, it had a formidable appearance. Turning a samurai's residence into a restaurant is like re-sewing a military jacket into a training outfit.

By the time the two of them arrived, the number of people was almost complete, and in the fifty-tatami mat hall, there were two or three clusters of people. As expected of a fifty-tatami mat space, the floor was wonderfully spacious. It was incomparable to the fifteen-tatami mat floor I occupied at Yamashiroya. When I measured it, it turned out to be two rooms. On the right side, there was a ceramic bottle with a red pattern, and a large branch of pine was inserted inside it. I couldn't understand what the purpose of inserting a pine branch was, but since it showed no signs of falling even after months, it must be low maintenance. When I asked the teacher of natural history where that ceramic was made, he said, "That is not Seto ware, it's Imari." When I countered that Imari is also not different from Seto ware, the natural history teacher laughed, "Ehehehe." I later learned that it is called Seto because it is pottery made in Seto. Being from Edo, I thought that pottery was referred to as Seto ware.

In the center of the floor, there was a large hanging scroll with twenty-eight characters written in a size about as big as my face. It seemed rather poorly done. Since it was so poorly done, I asked my Chinese literature teacher, "Why do you hang such a bad piece so elegantly?" The teacher informed me, "That was written by a famous calligrapher named Kaiya." Whether it's Kaiya or whatever, I still think it's poorly done.

Eventually, the secretary Kawamura said, "Please take your seats," so I sat down in a convenient spot leaning against a pillar. In front of the hanging scroll by Kaiya, a tanuki was seated in a haori and hakama, and to the left, a person in a red shirt similarly occupied a haori and hakama. On the right side, as the protagonist, Urnari-sensei was waiting in Japanese clothing. Since I was in Western clothes, I felt stiff and immediately sat cross-legged. The gymnastics teacher next to me was in black trousers and was sitting properly. Being a gymnastics teacher, it seemed he had undergone training.

Eventually, the dishes were served, and the sake bottles were lined up. The organizer stood up and gave a brief opening speech. Then, the tanuki stood, and the red shirt rose as well. All three delivered farewell speeches, but as if they had all agreed, they praised Urakawa-kun as a "good teacher and a good person," expressing that it was truly regrettable that he was leaving, and that it was a great loss not only for the school but also personally. However, they mentioned that since he wished to transfer due to personal circumstances, it couldn't be helped. They held a farewell party while telling such lies, and they didn't feel embarrassed at all. In particular, the red shirt praised Urakawa-kun the most among the three. He even said, "Losing this good friend is indeed a great misfortune for me." His way of speaking was so plausible, and he said it in that usual gentle voice, making it even gentler, that anyone hearing it for the first time would surely be deceived. Madonna probably fell for this trick as well.

While the red shirt was delivering his farewell speech, Yama-arashi, who was sitting across from me, looked at my face with eyes that sparkled like lightning. In response, I showed him a gesture with my index finger, indicating a 'bekkankou' (a traditional Japanese gesture).

Impatiently waiting for the red shirt to return to his seat, Yama-arashi suddenly stood up. At that moment, I felt happy and couldn't help but clap my hands. As a result, the tanuki and the people around me all turned to look at me at once, which left me a bit flustered. When I wondered what Yama-arashi would say, he said this.

"The principal and vice-principal are very sorry about Koga-kun's transfer, but I am somewhat opposed to it. I wish for Koga-kun to leave this place as soon as possible. Nobeoka is a faraway land, and compared to here, it must be quite inconvenient materially. However, I have heard that the customs are very simple, and both the staff and students all possess the spirit of the good old days. I believe there are no fashionable people who would say insincere compliments or deceive others with beautiful faces. A gentle and sincere person like you will surely be welcomed in that place. I wholeheartedly祝福 Koga-kun's transfer."

"Finally, I hope that when you go to Nobeoka, you will choose a lady from that land and quickly build a harmonious family." Saying this, Yama-arashi returned to his seat after clearing his throat twice. I thought about clapping my hands again, but I didn't want everyone to look at me, so I refrained."

When Yama-arashi sat down, it was now Urana-sensei who stood up. The teacher politely walked from his seat to the edge of the tatami room, greeted everyone, and continued, "This time, due to personal circumstances, I have decided to go to Kyushu. I sincerely thank all the teachers for holding this grand farewell party for me. I am particularly moved by the warm words from the principal, vice-principal, and everyone. I will be going far away from here, but I kindly ask you not to abandon me as before and to continue your support."

Saying this, Urana-sensei returned to his seat. He is truly a good person, graciously thanking the principal and vice-principal. If it were just a formal greeting, it would be one thing, but judging by his demeanor and choice of words, he seems to be genuinely grateful. If such a saint were to sincerely thank me, I would feel sorry and might blush, but both the tanuki and the red shirt were just listening seriously."

When the greetings were over, the sound of "chu, chu" could be heard here and there. I tried to imitate and drink the soup, but it was terrible. The side dish included fish cake, but it was dark and a failed version of chikuwa. There was also sashimi, but it was thick, like eating a raw piece of tuna. Even so, the people next to me were munching away, looking like they were enjoying it. Perhaps they had never eaten Edo-style cuisine.

Before long, the warm sake bottles started to go back and forth frequently, and the atmosphere suddenly became lively. Noda-kou was respectfully stepping forward to receive a cup from the principal. What an annoying guy. It seems like Ura-nari-kun is passing around the sake in order, intending to make a full round. It's quite an effort. When Ura-nari-kun came in front of me and adjusted his hakama to say, "Let's have a drink," I awkwardly straightened up in my pants and offered him a cup.

"It's a shame to come all this way and have to part so soon. When are you leaving? I must see you off to the beach," I said, and Ura-nari-kun replied, "No, I have many obligations, so there's no need for that." No matter what he says, I intend to see him off even if I have to skip school.

After about an hour, the seating arrangement had become quite chaotic. Well, just one more drink, oh, even though I said to drink... there were one or two people whose words were slurring. Feeling a bit bored, I went to the restroom and, gazing at the old-fashioned garden illuminated by starlight, Yama-arashi came along. "How was that speech earlier? It was great, right?" he said proudly. I completely agreed, but there was one thing I didn't like, so I protested, and Yama-arashi asked, "What part do you disagree with?"

"I said there are no stylish guys with beautiful faces who deceive people."

"Yeah."

"Just stylish guys aren't enough."

"Then what would you say?"

"You could say stylish guys, swindlers, con artists, two-faced people, tricksters, flying squirrels, police informants, and those who bark like dogs are all the same."

"I can't articulate that well. You're eloquent. First of all, you know a lot of words. It's strange that you can't give a speech."

"I thought I would use this during a fight, so I kept it for caution. When it comes to a speech, it doesn't come out like this."

"Is that so? But it flows out fluently. Try it again."

"I'll do it as many times as needed. -- The high-class guy's con artist, the swindler..." Just as he was about to say that, the side of the building made a loud noise, and two people stumbled out, running.

"You two, that's terrible, -- running away, -- as long as I'm here, I won't let you escape, now, look. -- A swindler? -- Interesting, very interesting. -- Now, drink up."

I was pulled along by the storm. In fact, these two were trying to go to the restroom, but they probably forgot about it due to being drunk and were dragging us along. Drunk people quickly forget what's right in front of them.

"Now, everyone, I've brought a swindler. Now, let him drink. Get the swindler thoroughly drunk. You, don't run away."

He pressed me against the wall, not allowing me to escape. Looking around, there wasn't a single satisfying dish on the table. Some had already eaten their fill and set off on an expedition a few meters away. The principal was nowhere to be seen; I didn't know when he had left.

At that moment, three or four geishas entered from the entrance of the room. A voice echoed, asking, "Is this the parlor?" I was surprised, but pressed against the wall, I had no choice but to quietly watch the scene unfold. Then, the man in the red shirt, who had been proudly holding a pipe against the floor pillar, suddenly stood up and tried to leave the parlor. As he passed by one of the geishas who had entered, she greeted him with a smile. She was the youngest and most beautiful among them. Although I couldn't hear from afar, it seemed she said, "Good evening." The man in the red shirt ignored her and left without looking back, never to show his face again. He probably followed the principal home.

When the geishas arrived, the parlor instantly became lively, and it seemed everyone was cheering and welcoming them. The noise was like a practice session for iaijutsu, with some raising their voices while others were clapping their fists. The way they waved their hands enthusiastically, shouting "Yo, ha!" was much more skillful than the puppets of the Dark Troupe. In one corner, someone was shaking a sake bottle, urging others to drink. It was unbearably noisy. Among all this, only Urana-kun was staring down, lost in thought. It wasn't a farewell party held for him; everyone had gathered to drink and have fun. If it was a gathering meant for him to suffer in solitude, it would have been much better not to have it at all.

After a while, everyone started to sing something with a loud voice. One geisha who came in front of me said, "Why don't you try singing too?" while holding a shamisen, so I replied, "I won't sing, you try singing." Then she began to sing, "Not with money or drums, but with lost, lost Santaro, don-doko, don no chanchikurin." She sang in two breaths, "If I could meet someone while going around beating, I would also like to go around beating with money and drums, don-doko, don no chanchikurin," and then said, "Oh, how tiring." If she was going to say that, she should have sung an easier song.

At that moment, without me noticing, Noda had come and sat beside me, saying, "Suzuchan, just when you think you've met someone you want to see, you have to go home right away, how unfortunate." He spoke in a manner like a storyteller as usual. The geisha coldly replied, "I don't know." Without caring, Noda began to imitate a gidayu in an unpleasant voice, saying, "Just as it happens, while meeting." The geisha said, "Don't be so rude," and slapped Noda's knee with her palm, causing him to laugh happily. This geisha was the one who greeted the man in the red shirt. To be laughed at by a geisha, Noda is quite a lucky fellow. He then said, "Suzuchan, since I'm going to dance the Kii no Kuni, play something for me." It seemed Noda still had the intention to dance.

Over there, an old man who studied Confucianism twisted his toothless mouth and began to speak, "I can't hear that, Denbee-san, between you and me..." but after somehow finishing without incident, he asked the geisha, "And then?" The old man had a poor memory. Then one person caught a specimen and said, "The one who hasn't come recently has arrived, shall we play it?" "Listen well, here it goes――Hanagetsu-maki, a high-collar head with a white ribbon, riding a bicycle, playing a violin, speaking half-baked English fluently, I am glad to see you," and when he sang that, the specimen said, "I see, that's interesting, it has English in it," and was impressed.

Yama-arashi loudly called out "Geisha, geisha," and commanded, "Since I will perform the sword dance, play the shamisen." The geisha was so startled by the rough voice that she didn't even respond. Yama-arashi, unfazed, brought out a stick and stepped into the center, performing a hidden talent while reciting "Tōha senzan mangaku en." Then, Noda had already finished with Kii Province, completed the kappore, and finished with the Daruma on the shelf, now wearing nothing but a bare Echigo fundoshi, cradling a palm broom under his arm, and began to walk around the tatami room while saying, "The Japan-China negotiations have burst..." He looked just like a madman.

I had been feeling terribly sorry for Urnari-kun, who was suffering and holding back without taking off his hakama, but I thought that even though it was my farewell party, there was no need to endure watching a naked dance in a traditional loincloth while wearing a formal outfit, so I went over and suggested, "Koga-san, let's go home now." However, Urnari-kun said, "Today is my farewell party, so it would be rude for me to leave first. Please don't hesitate," and he wouldn't move. I insisted, "What do you have to worry about? If it's a farewell party, let's do it like one. Look at that scene. It's a madman's gathering. Come on, let's go." Just as we were about to leave the tatami room, Noda came sweeping with a broom and said, "Hey, it's terrible for the master to leave first. This is a Nisshin negotiation. You can't leave," blocking our way with the broom. I had been feeling irritated, so I said, "If it's a Nisshin negotiation, you should be the one to take it," and suddenly hit Noda on the head with my fist. Noda looked dazed for two or three seconds as if his spirit had been drained, then said, "Oh, this is terrible. It's pitiful that I've been struck. To hit Yoshikawa like this is impressive. Indeed, this is a Nisshin negotiation," while rambling about things that didn't make sense. Just then, Yamaarashi, noticing that some commotion had started from behind, stopped his sword dance and rushed over, but upon seeing this situation, he suddenly grabbed my neck and pulled me back. "Nisshin... that hurts. That hurts. This is really rough," I tried to shake him off, but when I twisted sideways, I fell down flat. I don't know what happened afterward. I parted ways with Urnari-kun along the way, and when I got home, it was past eleven o'clock.