Act III — Christian Names

by Oscar Wilde · 2026-08-05

The morning-room at the Manor House was cool and rather dark after the garden. Gwendolen and Cecily stood at the window, looking out into it, and saying nothing at all.

Gwendolen: The fact that they did not follow us at once into the house, as any one else would have done, seems to me to show that they have some sense of shame left.

Cecily: They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance.

There was a pause before she spoke.

Gwendolen: They don’t seem to notice us at all. Couldn’t you cough?

Cecily: But I haven’t got a cough.

Gwendolen: Let us preserve a dignified silence.

Cecily: Certainly. It’s the only thing to do now.

Jack came in, followed by Algernon. They were whistling some dreadful popular air out of a British opera.

Gwendolen: This dignified silence seems to produce an unpleasant effect.

Cecily: A most distasteful one.

Gwendolen: But we will not be the first to speak.

Cecily: Certainly not.

Gwendolen: Mr. Worthing, I have something very particular to ask you. Much depends on your reply.

Cecily: Gwendolen, your common sense is invaluable. Mr. Moncrieff, kindly answer me the following question. Why did you pretend to be my guardian’s brother?

Algernon: In order that I might have an opportunity of meeting you.

Cecily turned to Gwendolen.

Cecily: That certainly seems a satisfactory explanation, does it not?

Gwendolen: Yes, dear, if you can believe him.

Cecily: I don’t. But that does not affect the wonderful beauty of his answer.

Gwendolen: True. In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity is the vital thing. Mr. Worthing, what explanation can you offer to me for pretending to have a brother? Was it in order that you might have an opportunity of coming up to town to see me as often as possible?

Jack: Can you doubt it, Miss Fairfax?

Gwendolen: I have the gravest doubts upon the subject. But I intend to crush them. This is not the moment for German scepticism.

Gwendolen moved to Cecily.

Gwendolen: Their explanations appear to be quite satisfactory, especially Mr. Worthing’s. That seems to me to have the stamp of truth upon it.

Cecily: I am more than content with what Mr. Moncrieff said. His voice alone inspires one with absolute credulity.

Gwendolen: Then you think we should forgive them?

Cecily: Yes. I mean no.

Gwendolen: True! I had forgotten. There are principles at stake that one cannot surrender. Which of us should tell them? The task is not a pleasant one.

Cecily: Certainly.

Gwendolen beat time with an uplifted finger.

They spoke together.

Gwendolen and Cecily: Your Christian names are still an insuperable barrier. That is all!

Again they spoke together.

Jack and Algernon: Our Christian names! Is that all? But we are going to be christened this afternoon.

Gwendolen turned to Jack.

Gwendolen: For my sake you are prepared to do this terrible thing?

Jack: I am.

Cecily turned to Algernon.

Cecily: To please me you are ready to face this fearful ordeal?

Algernon: I am!

Gwendolen: How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes! Where questions of self-sacrifice are concerned, men are infinitely beyond us.

Jack: We are.

He clasped hands with Algernon.

Cecily: They have moments of physical courage of which we women know absolutely nothing.

Gwendolen turned to Jack.

Gwendolen: Darling!

Algernon turned to Cecily.

Algernon: Darling!

They fell into each other’s arms.

Merriman came in, and, seeing how matters stood, coughed loudly.

Merriman: Ahem! Ahem! Lady Bracknell!

Jack: Good heavens!

Lady Bracknell came in. The two couples separated in alarm, and Merriman withdrew.

Lady Bracknell: Gwendolen! What does this mean?

Gwendolen: Merely that I am engaged to be married to Mr. Worthing, mamma.

Lady Bracknell: Come here. Sit down. Sit down immediately. Hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, of physical weakness in the old.

She turned to Jack.

Lady Bracknell: Apprised, sir, of my daughter’s sudden flight by her trusty maid, whose confidence I purchased by means of a small coin, I followed her at once by a luggage train. Her unhappy father is, I am glad to say, under the impression that she is attending a more than usually lengthy lecture by the University Extension Scheme on the Influence of a permanent income on Thought. I do not propose to undeceive him. Indeed I have never undeceived him on any question. I would consider it wrong. But of course, you will clearly understand that all communication between yourself and my daughter must cease immediately from this moment. On this point, as indeed on all points, I am firm.

Jack: I am engaged to be married to Gwendolen, Lady Bracknell!

Lady Bracknell: You are nothing of the kind, sir. And now, as regards Algernon! … Algernon!

Algernon: Yes, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell: May I ask if it is in this house that your invalid friend Mr. Bunbury resides?

Algernon stammered.

Algernon: Oh! No! Bunbury doesn’t live here. Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead.

Lady Bracknell: Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must have been extremely sudden.

Algernon answered airily.

Algernon: Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died this afternoon.

Lady Bracknell: Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.

Algernon: My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean—so Bunbury died.

Lady Bracknell: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion of his physicians. I am glad, however, that he made up his mind at the last to some definite course of action, and acted under proper medical advice. And now that we have finally got rid of this Mr. Bunbury, may I ask, Mr. Worthing, who is that young person whose hand my nephew Algernon is now holding in what seems to me a peculiarly unnecessary manner?

Jack: That lady is Miss Cecily Cardew, my ward.

Lady Bracknell bowed coldly to Cecily.

Algernon: I am engaged to be married to Cecily, Aunt Augusta.

Lady Bracknell: I beg your pardon?

Cecily: Mr. Moncrieff and I are engaged to be married, Lady Bracknell.