Dogra Magra (1/47)

by Hisashi Yumeno · 2026-03-31

Fetus, why do you dance? Do you understand your mother's heart, or are you terrified?

……Buuuu――――――nnnn――――――nnnnn………….

I woke up in a dim consciousness. The buzzing sound like a honeybee still lingered deep in my ears. As I listened intently to that sound, I realized it was midnight. I thought there was a clock nearby chiming, and as I dozed off again, the buzzing sound gradually faded away, and the surroundings fell silent.

I suddenly opened my eyes.

From the high white ceiling, a bare light bulb covered in dust hung down. Next to that yellowish light, a large fly was perched, not moving at all as if it were dead. On the cold artificial stone floor, I seemed to be lying sprawled out.

……That's strange…….

Still lying sprawled out, I opened my eyelids wide and tried moving just my eyes up and down, left and right.

I was in a room about four tatami mats in size, surrounded by dark blue concrete walls. On three sides of the walls, three large glass windows were securely fitted, double-layered with black iron bars and wire mesh. It gave a very solid impression of the room.

On the wall without a window, there was an iron bed lying with its head towards the entrance. On top of it, a pure white bedding was neatly laid out, as if no one had ever slept there.

……This is strange…….

I lifted my head slightly and looked around my body.

I was dressed in two layers of stiff, white, new cotton garments, with a short gauze belt tied high on my chest. The four limbs protruding from there were all darkened and covered in dirt……that filth…….

……This is really strange…….

Fearfully, I raised my right hand and began to feel around my face.

……My nose is pointed, my eyes are sunken, my hair is disheveled, and my chin is covered in a scruffy beard…….

……I jumped up abruptly.

Once again, I felt around my face. I looked around curiously.

……Who could this be…… I don't know such a person…….

My heart pounded, beating wildly like a rapid bell. My breathing grew ragged, and I gasped as if I were about to die. ...But gradually, it quieted down.

...Could such a strange thing be happening...?

...I have forgotten myself...

...No matter how much I think, I cannot recall who or what I am. Only the sound of the grandfather clock I just heard remains in my memory... that is all...

...Yet, my mind is clear. I can distinctly feel the silence enveloping the outside of the room, stretching on endlessly...

...This is not a dream... it is certainly not a dream...

I leaped up.

I rushed to the window and peered into the frosted glass pane. I tried to recall some memory by looking at my reflection, but all I saw was my own shadowy figure, like a demon with disheveled hair.

I turned around and ran to the entrance door by the head of the bed. I brought my face close to the brass fitting, where only the keyhole was open, but the fitting did not reflect my face. It only reflected a dim, yellowish light.

...I searched around the bed legs and turned over the bedding. I even untied the sash of the kimono I was wearing and turned it inside out, but I couldn't find my name, not even an initial.

I was stunned. I was still an unknown me in an unknown world. I was me, who didn't even know myself.

As I pondered, I began to feel as if I was being pulled by the obi, falling vertically and smoothly into an infinite space. With a shiver that welled up from the depths of my organs, I screamed, forgetting myself.

It was a metallic, absurdly high-pitched voice... but before it could remind me of anything from the past, it was absorbed by the concrete walls on all sides and vanished.

I screamed again. But it was still futile. After the voice vibrated and swirled for a moment, the four walls, three windows, and one door became even more solemnly silent.

I tried to scream again. But the sound, before it could even form, retreated back into the depths of my throat. The horror of the deepening silence with each attempt to scream...

My back teeth began to chatter, and my knees started to tremble uncontrollably. Yet, I couldn't remember who I was... that suffocating feeling.

I found myself gasping for breath. Unable to scream, unable to escape the terror that enveloped me, I stood in the center of the room, panting.

...Is this a prison... or a mental hospital...

The sound of my heightened breathing echoed like a winter wind against the four walls in the dead of night, as if to confirm my thoughts.

Soon, I began to feel faint. My vision went black, my whole body stiffened, and I broke out in a cold sweat, feeling as if I would fall backward. At that moment, I unconsciously closed my eyes... or so I thought, but then I snapped them open again. I stared intently at the concrete wall on the other side of the bed.

From beyond that wall, a strange voice could be heard.

It was certainly the voice of a young woman. However, its tone was so hoarse that it didn't sound like a human voice, and only a deep, sorrowful resonance permeated through the concrete wall.

"...Brother. Brother. Brother, brother, brother, brother... just one more time... let me hear... that voice you just made..."

I was aghast and recoiled. Involuntarily, I looked behind me again. Even though I knew there was no one else in the room besides me... I stared intently at the part of the concrete wall from which the woman's voice seemed to seep through, as if to bore a hole in it.

"...Brother, brother, brother... the brother in the room next door... it's me. It's me. Your fiancée... I was your future wife... it's me. It's me. Please... please let me hear that voice again... please let me hear it... let me hear it—! Brother, brother, brother... brother—!"

I opened my eyes wide until my eyelids hurt. My lips parted. As if drawn by that voice, I stumbled two or three steps forward. Then, firmly pressing my lower abdomen with both hands, I stared intently at the concrete wall with the whites of my eyes.

It was a cry of such intense purity that it would suspend the listener's heart in a void. It was an unbearable, desperate voice that would freeze one's very core to the bottom. ...I don't know when it started calling me... And from now on, for thousands, tens of thousands of years, it was a serious, deeply resentful voice that I didn't know how long it would continue to call. It was calling to me from beyond the concrete wall in the dead of night.

"...Brother... Brother, Brother. Why... why won't you answer? It's me, it's me, it's me, it's me. Have you forgotten, Brother? It's your concubine. It's me. Your fiancée... Have you forgotten your concubine...? ...I died by your hand on the night before I was to be with you... in the middle of the night before our wedding. ...And I've come back to life... I've come back to life from the grave and I'm here. I'm not a ghost or anything... Brother, Brother, Brother... why won't you answer...? Have you forgotten what happened back then...?"

I staggered backward, swaying. Once again, I stared intently in the direction from which the voice was coming, my eyes wide like saucers...

...What strange words.

……The girl beyond the wall knows me. She says she is my fiancée. ……And that she was killed by my hand the night before our wedding……and that she is a woman who has come back to life. And she seems to be calling out to me, day and night, trapped in the room separated from me by a single wall. She seems to be desperately trying to evoke my past memories, while continuously shouting out bizarre facts beyond imagination.

……Is she crazy?

……Is she serious?

No, no. She's crazy, she's crazy……That's ridiculous……Such strange things……Ahahahah……

I involuntarily started to laugh, but the laugh froze on my facial muscles and wouldn't move. ……Again, an even more sorrowful and serious voice pierced through the concrete wall. I couldn't even laugh……It was certainly filled with the conviction that she knew me as me……serious……sorrowful……

“……Brother, Brother, Brother. Why don't you answer? I am suffering so much……Just one word……Just one word……Please answer……”

“……………………”

“……Just one word……Just one word……If you would just answer me……that would be enough. ……Then the doctors at this hospital would understand that I am not crazy. And then……the director would know that you can hear my voice, too……and we could be discharged together………Brother, Brother……why……won't you answer me……”

“……………………”

"...Do you not understand my suffering...? Every single day... every single night, the voice calling out to you like this, does it not reach your ears, Brother...? Oh... Brother, Brother... this is too much, too much... Ah... ah... I... my voice is already..."

As she spoke, another new sound began to emanate from beyond the wall. It was the sound of a soft, living hand, whether an open palm or a fist, repeatedly tapping the concrete wall. It was the sound of a frail woman's hand, tapping with a resolve that seemed to disregard torn skin or ruptured flesh. I imagined the splattered and clinging bloodstains on the other side of that wall, yet I kept my eyes wide open and my back teeth clenched.

"...Brother, Brother... I am the one who died by your hand. And I am the one who has come back to life. I am your poor sister who has no one else to turn to but you. I am here all alone... Have you forgotten me, Brother...?"

"It's the same for you, brother. The only two concubines in the whole world are here. And we're thought of as crazy by others, separated and confined in this hospital."

".................."

"If you would just answer me, Brother... what I say would become true. If you would remember me, then I... and you, Brother, would know that we are not mental patients... Just one word... just one word... if you would just answer me... and call my name... Moyoko... Oh... Brother, Brother... Oh... I... my voice is already... my eyes... my eyes are growing dim..."

I instinctively leaped onto the bed. I clung to the dark blue concrete wall, from where the voice seemed to emanate. I wanted to answer immediately... I wanted to help the girl in her suffering... and I was driven by an irresistible urge to quickly ascertain who and what I myself was. ...But... I swallowed hard again and stopped myself.

I slowly slid off the bed. While staring at that one point on the wall, I gradually retreated towards the window, which was in the exact opposite position, trying to get as far away from the voice as possible.

...I couldn't answer. No... I shouldn't have answered.

I am a person who doesn't even know if she is my wife. While listening to her pure, deeply serious and painful cries, I find myself unable to even recall her face. I am in a strange, almost demented state where the only thing I can recall as a true memory from my past is the sound of the clock I just heard.

How could I, in such a state, answer as her husband? Even if answering were to grant me freedom, there's no telling whether my true identity or real name would be asked at that point. I have no basis to judge whether she is sane or suffering from a mental illness.

What if she truly was a mental patient, and the person she was calling out to was merely a severe hallucination of hers? If I were to inadvertently respond, it might lead to a grave mistake. Moreover, if the person she was calling out to was indeed a real person, and not me, wouldn't I be stealing someone else's wife due to my own carelessness? Wouldn't I be desecrating someone else's lover? Such anxieties and fears assailed me one after another, and I repeatedly swallowed my saliva, clenching my hands tightly.

At that moment, her scream pierced through the wall and assailed me directly from the front.

"Brother, brother, brother, brother, brother. It's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much, it's too much..."

That faint, painful, ghostly cry of resentment, filled with boundless innocence...

I clutched my hair with both hands and scratched it with my long nails until it bled.

"...Brother, brother, brother. I am yours. I am yours. Quickly... quickly, take me into your arms..."

I violently rubbed my face with my palms.

...No, no... No, no. You are mistaken. I don't know you...

...I was about to shout, but then I suddenly clamped my mouth shut again. I, who couldn't even clearly assert such facts now. I, who knew nothing of my own past... I had no material to deny her words... Not to mention my parents, siblings, or birthplace... I, who hadn't even known until now whether I was a pig or a human.

I clenched my fist and tapped the bone behind my ear. However, no memories surfaced from there.

Still, her voice did not cease. Breathless, almost inaudible, it escalated in a tragically profound way.

"...Brother...brother...please...please save me...save me...ah..."

As if driven by that voice, I once again looked around at the four walls, windows, and door. I started to run, then stopped again.

...I want to escape to somewhere where I can't hear anything...

As I thought this, my whole body shivered with goosebumps.

I ran to the entrance door and collided with full force against the flat surface of the blue-painted board, which was as sturdy as iron. Peering into the dark keyhole... I was numb with terror from the persistent noises that continued to be heard and the screams that were on the verge of fading... I grabbed the window bars with both hands and shook them with all my might. I finally managed to distort only the lower corner, but I couldn't pull it out any further with human strength.

Disappointed, I returned to the center of the room. Trembling, I once again looked around every corner of the room.

Am I truly in the human world... or have I just now arrived in the world of the dead, enduring some kind of torment?

The moment I regained my sanity in this room, without a moment's rest, the endless hell of self-oblivion attacked me... no echo... all I could hear was the sound of the clock...

...No sooner had I thought this than I was tormented by the cries of an unknown woman from somewhere, a desperate living hell... an eternal torment from which I could neither save nor escape a tragic love so profound it seemed not of this world...

I stomped my feet so hard my heels hurt... and then I sat down with a thud... lay on my back... then got up again and looked around the room. ...To distract my attention from the faint sounds from the next room, barely audible, and the intermittent sobs... and to recall my past as quickly as possible... to save myself from this suffering... to give her a clear answer...

Thus, I don't know if I raged around this room for tens of minutes... or for hours. However, my mind remained empty. Not only memories related to her, but I also hadn't recalled or discovered anything about myself. An empty me living within an empty memory. That was me, relentlessly pursued by an unseemly woman's screams, merely flailing about blindly.

In time, the girl's screams from beyond the wall weakened. Gradually, they became as thin as a thread, eventually turning into mere gasps and sobs, until finally, the four walls returned to the same profound silence of midnight as before.

At the same time, I too grew tired. Tired of raging, tired of thinking. Listening to the rhythmic tick-tock of a large clock, seemingly at the end of the corridor outside the door, I steadily fell back into that initial state of unconsciousness, where I didn't know if I was standing or sitting... when... what... or how anything had happened...

...A soft click... sounded.

When I became aware, I was leaning against the corner of the wall opposite the entrance, my limbs sprawled forward, my head slumped down to my chest, staring intently at a single spot on the artificial stone floor before my nose.

I looked... and saw that the floor, the window, and the walls had, at some point, become bright and glowing with a pale blue light.

...Chirp-chirp... hop-hop... hop... chirp-chirp-hop...

The quiet chirping of sparrows reached my ears. From afar, the faint sound of a train echoed, and the light in the ceiling had, at some point, gone out.

Night had broken.

I vaguely thought so and rubbed my eyes with both hands. Perhaps it was because I had slept soundly. Having completely forgotten the strange and terrifying events that had occurred early this morning in the dark, I felt various parts of my body stiff and aching, and I stretched out with a determined effort. However, before I could fully inhale, I gasped and closed my mouth.

A small wicket gate next to the entrance door seemed to open, and a white wooden tray carrying white tableware and silver plates came in.

At that moment, I realized something. Unconsciously, the questions from this morning began to actively stir in my head. I involuntarily stood up, tiptoed to the wicket gate, and grabbed the plump, red arm of the woman who was inserting the white wooden tray. The tray, toast, a plate of vegetable salad, and a bottle of milk clattered to the floor and rolled away.

I strained my hoarse voice. "...Please... tell me. What is my name?"

The other person didn't move a muscle. The cold, red-radish-like upper arm, protruding from the white cuff, quickly turned purple under my hand.

"...I... what is my name? ...I'm not insane... or anything..."

At that moment, a young woman's scream rose from outside the wicket gate. "...Alee—!"

The purple arm I was gripping began to struggle weakly. "...Someone... someone please come. Patient number seven... Ah! Someone come—!"

"...Shhh. Quiet, quiet... Please be silent. Who am I? Where is this... when is it now... where am I... Please... this place... then I'll let go..."

At that moment, a loud cry of "Waa—!" echoed. Perhaps my grip loosened, for the woman's arm slipped completely out of the wicket gate, and simultaneously the crying stopped abruptly, and I heard the sound of footsteps pattering down the corridor.

Having had the arm I was desperately gripping pulled away, I lost my balance and landed with a thud on the hard artificial stone floor. I narrowly avoided falling over completely by bracing myself with both hands, then looked around in a daze.

Then, another strange thing happened.

The feelings that had been strained so intensely until now rapidly relaxed the moment I fell on my backside. Then, an indescribable amusement began to well up from the pit of my stomach, and I couldn't do anything about it. It was so unbearably strange and funny that it was the kind of laughter that made every single hair on my head tremble. It welled up from the depths of my soul, shook my entire body, and I couldn't stop laughing. It was so funny that I had to laugh until my bones and flesh fell apart.

"Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah. How ridiculous. What does a name matter? Forgetting it doesn't cause any inconvenience at all. I am me, there's no mistake about it. Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah..."

Upon realizing this, I became even more overwhelmed and tumbled onto the floor. I clutched my head, beat my chest, and flailed my legs as I laughed. I laughed... I laughed... I laughed. Swallowing tears, I choked and twisted my body, rolling around in laughter.