Dogra Magra (13/47)

by Hisashi Yumeno

First, let me say that even if you hear this detective story, I cannot guarantee that you will understand it. This is because it is the most abstruse detective novel, where one brain chases another. The solution is firmly prepared from the beginning, but the reader will not understand it at all. Perhaps all you will feel is a whirlpool of bizarre and outlandish hallucinations, illusions, and perverted ideas. That is the essence of this brain-themed novel. Hahahahaha.

Now, as a staple of detective fiction, it is first necessary to present a perplexing mystery and surprise the reader. It is natural to think that this mystery must concern "the human brain."

Indeed, there is one surprising thing here. Hahahahaha. In fact, that "brain" is the greatest mystery in the modern scientific world, a cruel and aberrant "mysterious deity." It is the only organ in the human body whose true nature is unknown, a giant protein sphinx, and the very monster that keeps billions of skulls on Earth ringing from morning till night.

This brain sits at the highest position in the body, exploiting the best blood and nutrients while using all other organs like slaves. Whatever the brain commands is done, and whatever the brain desires is obtained. In other words, it exercises such thorough tyranny that one cannot tell whether humans exist for the brain or the brain exists for humans. The dictator of human culture—that is this brain.

However, there is one strange thing here.

It is that when one strictly and scientifically investigates what role this lump of protein called the brain has played in the human body throughout history, and what purpose it serves, one ultimately arrives at the conclusion of "we don't know." Conversely, this monster named the brain has not allowed even the brains of scholars, ancient and modern, to perceive its true function. Furthermore, the brain itself radiates such super-scientific power, as if it were not merely a lump of matter weighing one or two kilograms, continually confounding scientists' research into the brain. In short, one could say that "the brain is striving to prevent itself from understanding its own functions." Therefore, the brain is a truly devilish entity, gradually rendering the center of modern human culture meaningless, causing decline, corruption, and confusion in various aspects, all while crouching innocently within the skull.

Of course, this is not one of my top-tier boasts or idle ramblings. I assert this on my honor.

Huh? You say the brain is where we think?

That's right. Everyone thinks so. Not only modern top-tier scientists but people all over the world, professionals and amateurs alike, all live believing they are thinking with their brains. They are convinced that radios, airplanes, the theory of relativity, jazz, safety razors, red theories, and poison gas were all created from this lump of protein, weighing more than 1200 watts and less than 1900 watts.

Indeed, when one dissects a human corpse and peers into the brain, this way of thinking seems undeniable. The cerebrum, cerebellum, medulla oblongata, pineal gland, and countless other strangely shaped cells are infinitely layered, connected to the thirty trillion cells of the entire body by the fantastically transformed projections of nerve cells. As one studies this communication system, it becomes clear that the entire collection of cells integrating each part of the human body is meticulously and orderly structured around the brain. Therefore, it is thought that the spirit and life consciousness that govern all human actions reside within the brain. At the very least, it would be acceptable to consider that "the brain is where thinking occurs."

This idea has now become an unshakeable belief, or common sense, for all of humanity. No one, anywhere, now doubts the fact that "the brain is where thinking occurs." Even if one were to declare that every single item of modern culture and material, down to a single needle or a single sheet of paper, was conceived by this "thinking brain," no one would object; such is the extent to which the world has become dominated by the belief in the brain's omnipotence.

However, at this point, my brain detective novel, while glancing sideways at this global trend, introduces a young master detective and an unprecedented grand doctor of brain science. The plot is to overturn conventional superstitions about the brain in one fell swoop, expose the true nature of this great devil "brain's" mysterious workings—that is, the dead end of meaninglessness, the simple and clear illusion—under the bright light of science, and strike the reader's head with a resounding thud. Now, whether readers will accept it or not...

What? Still don't understand... I'll have to listen a bit more...

What did you say...? That this is a fantasy novel...? I can't believe you'd say such a thing... That's why I stated at the beginning that it's a "scientific detective factual novel," didn't I? If I incorporated even a little fantasy, the interest of the entire work would drop to zero, wouldn't it? Of course, that's right... It's not a nonsensical thing from the very beginning, not even a fraction of an inch, so please listen with an open mind. You'll understand that it's not that simple as you get into it. Alright...?

Now, that young master detective, who is also a great doctor of cerebral studies, is a handsome young man of about twenty whom I've tentatively named "Anpontan Pokan-kun." Alright...? Of course, he's a real person. Moreover, despite possessing an unparalleled brilliant mind, this handsome young man suffered an attack of a very dangerous hereditary mental illness, and soon after entering this university, he was admitted to the affiliated hospital of this classroom.

...What did you say...? You're joking, aren't you...? You're an awfully suspicious reader, you are... If you think it's fiction, I can introduce you to him anytime. He's right in Room 7, just beyond here, so it's no trouble. When I call out, "Hey, Pokan-kun...", the profile of him turning around in surprise is irresistibly cute.

Now, this sick boy... Dr. Pokan, the absent-minded fool, after finally regaining consciousness from his genetic seizure that rendered him unconscious, immediately realized that he had completely forgotten his birthplace, his parents' names, and even his own name. So, for the time being, he was given the honorable title of "Dr. Pokan the Absent-minded Fool" by me. However, Dr. Pokan himself, being inherently intelligent, seemed to be very bothered by this. Day and night, he would pace the artificial stone floor of his hospital room, constantly thinking about his brain. He would mutter things like, "I don't understand, I don't understand. What has my brain been doing all this time... what has it been thinking?" or "Does my brain control my entire body... or does my entire body control my brain... I don't understand, I don't understand." While saying these things, he would run his hands through his bushy hair or lightly tap the back of his head with his fist, pacing around the room in circles without a moment's rest.

However, as these fits gradually intensified, Dr. Pokan would eventually stop on the artificial stone floor of the room and begin to look around curiously. Then, he would pretend to grab something invisible from his bushy head and forcefully smash it onto the floor. After that, he would point to what he had smashed on the floor and begin an eloquent speech about the brain, complete with gestures. As he became more and more moved by his own speech and reached the peak of excitement, he would suddenly lift one foot and pretend to stomp on the invisible something he had just grabbed from his head and smashed onto the floor, simultaneously becoming dizzy and falling backward onto the floor. He would then remain unconscious for about thirty to forty hours, sleeping soundly, only to wake up again, rubbing his eyes, as clueless as ever. He would then walk around the room, repeating "I don't understand, I don't understand," just as before. In the midst of this, he would again take something invisible from his head and smash it onto the floor at his feet. He would raise his fists while looking left and right, and begin his speech about the brain. And then, he would stomp on something he didn't understand on the floor, let out a loud cry, and fall backward... This was the daily routine of this young master detective, Mr. Anpontan.

...By the way, what's interesting is Dr. Pokan's speech.

When Dr. Pokan gives a speech, he apparently imagines himself standing in a busy intersection, like a streetcar crossing, amidst a bustling crowd. He would spread his hands wide like a traffic policeman, glare at the crowds to his front, back, left, and right, and then suddenly begin to shriek, waving his fists in the air.

"...Stop it!...

...Stop it!...

Trains, automobiles, bicycles, motorcycles, buses, trucks, rickshaws—everyone stop! Gentlemen, ladies, young people, old people, salarymen, professional women, bulls, pros, pickpockets, police officers—no one move!

...All of you are, right now, facing extreme danger.

...All of you are currently, right now, walking while thinking with your brains. ...With the judgment of that brain, you distinguish the go-stop signals of traffic police, differentiate between the blue and red of flag wavers, criticize the latest fashions in display windows, learn of new talent from posters, discover topics in evening newspaper announcements, guard against pickpockets, avoid creditors, chase scents... and while heightening the sensation of that brain, you possess the pride of a cultured person... or so you believe.

...That is what I mean by danger. That is what I warn is an emergency. ...An emergency of the brain...

...Look. Listen. Be surprised. Be astonished...

...The two billion people of today's humanity are all as foolish as you. They are blockheads who go to the post office to ask for their own forwarding address. They are scatterbrains who shout their own number into the phone. They are imbeciles who mistake the "brain" for "the place where one thinks."

And it is your own brains that, proudly carrying such nonsensical hallucinations and delusions on your shoulders, relying on just one of those delusions as your sole and supreme guide, in the competitive arena of the perverse notions that "the head is the best, the last capital" and "the modern age is the age of the speed of the head," are making such a vast number of trains, automobiles, and motorcycles speed along, day and night, driving human culture into a chaotic realm of agony.

It's utterly unbearable to watch, isn't it?

...Look. Listen. Be surprised. Be astonished....

This is the slogan of the Anpontan Pokan.

It is an insult to human culture.

It is the overthrow of brain civilization.

It is the rebuilding of materialistic scientific thought.

Pokan declares.

The "brain that thinks" is humanity's greatest enemy. It is one of the most terrifying demons in the universe. The moment heaven and earth were created, Satan's serpent made Eve eat the fruit of knowledge, and then, to curse the descendants of Adam and Eve, it crept into human heads, coiled up, and hid. That is the true nature of the "brain that thinks."

Open your eyes and stare intently at this terrifying brain-demon. And liquidate all superstitions and blind beliefs concerning the brain.

The human brain boasts about itself. It claims, "The brain is where thoughts are formed," "The brain is the creator of scientific civilization," and "The brain is the omniscient and omnipotent god in the real world."

In this way, the brain usurps the greatest authority in the universe, reigns at the top of the human body, and enslaves all other organs. It exploits the highest quality blood and nutrients from the entire body, reaching the pinnacle of royal arrogance. Meanwhile, humanity, blindly believing in the brain's authority, sinks deeper into the abyss of degradation day by day, step by step.

Behold its "history of brain-induced sin."

I, who call myself Anpontan Pokan, have, as a result of studying world history from all directions, come to the following conclusion:

The history of the brain's sins can be summarized in the following five points:

Firstly, "it made humans conceited, believing themselves to be greater than God."

Secondly, "it made humans rebel against great nature."

Thirdly, "it drove humanity back into the world of beasts."

Fourthly, "it drove humanity mad into a nihilistic world of only matter and instinct."

And finally, "it pushed humanity down the path of self-destruction."

Facts speak louder than anything else. If one delves into the history of medicine, it was the great scientist Hepomenias, known as the restorer of Western medicine, who first discovered the brain within a human corpse.

However, that great brain, using a very bold and clever trick, kept the function of the dead person's brain it had discovered an absolute secret. As if to say, "Can you figure out my true identity?", it engaged in all sorts of deductions while comparing the "dead person's brain" with its grayish-white convolutions to the "living brain" inside Mr. Hepomenias's own skull, covered by his abundant hair.

"What on earth is this for? Why did the God of Creation place this grayish-white, snake-like thing inside the head?" Mr. Hepomenias pondered for days.

"This lump of protein looks like a factory for tears and snot, or perhaps something resembling octopus feces. Since it's in the attic of the human structure, it might be a storage tank for precious nutrients, or because it curves like the small intestine, it might be part of the digestive system. What is it... I don't know, I don't know..."

He racked his brain, suffered, and became exhausted. Eventually, he couldn't make sense of anything, and his head began to ache.

The great genius scientist, Mr. Hepomenias, finally fell for the trick of his own brain, in the midst of all things. And he jumped up, hitting the desk.

"I've got it! The brain is where we think! My head hurts so much because I've used my brain too much!"

With that, he immediately took out a scalpel and sliced the corpse, from which the brain had been removed, into one-hundred-thousandth of a millimeter thin pieces. After confirming that the thirty trillion cell groups forming each organ of the human body were connected by threads of nerve cells centered around the brain, he held the dead person's brain in both hands and rushed outside.

"I understand! I understand everything! It's a lie to say that the origin of life is God's providence. God is nothing more than something conceived by the human brain!"

“Behold this brain… The origin of life resides within this mass of protein, weighing twelve hundred or nineteen hundred grams. Our mental consciousness is merely a stimulation of chemical energy, born from the decomposition of this protein. Everything is at the brain’s discretion… The brain, discovered by science, is the omniscient and omnipotent God in the real world!”

At that time, the avant-garde people, who were fed up with Christian superstitions and the corruption of monks, immediately resonated with this, giving a great round of applause. Everyone accepted Mr. Hepomenias’s erroneous theory, falling under the illusion that “the brain is where thoughts occur.”

“Yes, that’s right. There is no God in this world. Everything is merely the action of matter. We will create a new materialistic culture through the chemical actions of the protein in our heads!”

Thus, the “thinking brain” continued to erase God from the human world. And it made humans rebel against nature, beginning to create a materialistic culture.

The brain first devised all sorts of weapons for humans, making killing easier. It pioneered all kinds of medical arts, making humans defy natural health methods, increasing the number of sick people, and allowing birth control to be freely exercised. It operated all kinds of machines, narrowing the world, and devised all sorts of lights, driving away the sun, moon, and stars.

It then confined humans, children of nature, into logical houses of iron and stone, made them breathe in gas and electricity, hardened their arteries, made them adorn themselves with lead and earth, and had them play with mechanical dolls.

They were taught how to use alcohol, nicotine, opium, digestives, heart tonics, hypnotics, aphrodisiacs, chastity disinfectants, and poisons, and were made to believe that the unnatural, perverse beauty created by this chaos was genuine human culture. People became so accustomed to it, as if they couldn't live a single day without unnatural things.

…And that’s not all.

The "thinking brain," which expelled "God" from the human world and then eliminated "nature," simultaneously stripped away the natural emotions that promise human prosperity, evolution, and happiness. In other words, it made people mistakenly believe that parental love, sibling love, romantic love, chastity, fidelity, shame, duty, human kindness, sincerity, and conscience were "unreasonable from a materialistic scientific perspective, and therefore unnatural," denying them and creating an individualistic world of only matter and bestial instincts. As a result, human culture became increasingly decentered, self-defiling, neurasthenic, and mentally deranged day by day, until finally, in a nihilistic world where all humanity spiritually self-destructs and commits suicide, nonsensical ghosts wander, seeking red and blue lights.

The "thinking brain" is unknowingly trying to destroy humanity.

Behold the coldness and cruelty of that brain culture.

Can we allow this to continue?

That is not all.

While the "thinking brain" buries individual humans in a nihilistic world of illusion, it is also meticulously manipulating and shattering the minds of humanity as a whole with particularly elaborate tricks.

And at the same time, it is trying to thoroughly blind our detective eyes.

...Behold...

Behold how many people witness the "tragicomedy of the brain," manipulated by the "brain's tricks," unfolding before their very eyes. Witness how earnestly the "brain's nonsensical drama" is being played out on the world stage.

...Behold...

The "thinking brain" thus reigns over human culture. Boasting that there is nothing inconceivable, even to the deepest mysteries of the universe, it dominates and guides to the very bottom of scientific culture.

...But what do we find?

How is it that 'the brain capable of conceiving all things,' in the midst of dazzlingly accumulating on Earth the theories it has conceived and the products of materialistic culture generated by those theories, has left only one crucial scientific study—that of 'the brain itself'—in the darkness of doubt? How is it that the brain, which has deeply pondered the mysteries of the universe, has left itself as the sole thing unconsidered? What a strange phenomenon it is that among all the scientific theories and papers by scientists to date, there is not a single document that has accurately explained the workings of the brain.

Furthermore, gentlemen, or rather, what an oversight it is that the world's scientists, who are the representatives of your brains, have not noticed this contradiction and incomprehensibility until today.

...Behold... The human brain thoroughly researches the human body. Isn't research progressing in minute detail in every aspect, such as anatomy, physiology, pathology, and genetics? Similarly, isn't research competing in all fields for the treatment of diseases, including internal medicine, surgery, otolaryngology, dermatology, ophthalmology, and dentistry?

Nevertheless, what a foolish oversight it is to leave the brain that devised such research, and the study of diseases related to that brain, in the 'blind fumbling state' of ancient times. What a neglect of the brain it is that research fields such as psychopathology, psychophysiology, psychopathology, and psychogenetics, which are necessary for the study of mental illness, do not exist in any university around the world. What a great impropriety it is that such a wise human brain has buried important questions about the 'brain' that everyone finds mysterious—such as 'where and how human life or life consciousness resides,' 'how hallucinations are seen,' and 'what state is referred to as early-onset dementia'—one after another in a vast, incomprehensible yawn.