The Seventh Night

by Natsume Sōseki

I was on a large ship.

The ship cut through the waves, ceaselessly emitting black smoke day and night. The sound was tremendous, but I didn't know where it was headed. All I knew was that a sun like a burning poker would rise from the bottom of the waves, reach directly above the mast, and after lingering there for a while, would somehow overtake the ship and move ahead. And finally, with a sizzle, it would sink into the bottom of the waves. Each time, I would see the distant sea boil over with the color of sappanwood, and the ship would chase after its trace, but it never caught up.

Once, I caught a man on the ship and asked, "Is this ship going west?"

The man looked at me with a puzzled expression for a while, then replied, "Why?"

When I answered, "Because it seems to be chasing the setting sun," the man laughed heartily and walked away.

"Is the end of the westward sun in the east? Is that true? Is the home of the eastern sun in the west? Is that also true? My body is on the waves, a pillow. Let it flow, let it flow," he chanted. When I went to the bow, the sailors were gathered, hauling in thick sail ropes.

I felt anxious. I didn't know when I would reach land. I didn't know where we were going. All I knew for sure was that we were cutting through the waves, emitting black smoke. The waves looked vast and endlessly blue. Sometimes they turned purple. Only around the ship was it always frothing white. I grew increasingly anxious and wondered if I should just throw myself overboard and die rather than stay on such a ship.

There were many passengers, but most of them seemed to be foreigners. There were various faces. When the sky clouded over and the ship swayed, a woman leaned against the railing and cried incessantly. The handkerchief she was using looked white, but she was wearing a Western-style dress that looked like chintz. When I saw this woman, I realized that I was not the only one who was sad.

One evening, as I stood alone on the deck gazing at the stars, a stranger approached and asked if I knew astronomy. I was so bored that I wanted to die, so I had no need to know astronomy. When I remained silent, the stranger began to speak of the seven stars at the apex of Taurus. He then said that the stars and the sea were all created by God. Finally, he asked if I believed in God, but I looked up at the sky and remained silent.

One time, when I entered the salon, a young woman in a flamboyant dress was playing the piano with her back to me. Beside her stood a tall, distinguished man, singing. His mouth seemed very large, but the two of them appeared to pay no attention to anything but each other. It was as if they had even forgotten they were on a ship.

I grew increasingly bored and finally decided to die. One evening, seizing a moment when no one was around, I resolutely jumped into the sea. However, the moment my feet left the deck and my connection to the ship was severed, I suddenly regretted my life. From the bottom of my heart, I wished I hadn't done it, but it was too late. I had no choice but to enter the sea. The ship was built high, so although my body left the ship, my feet couldn't reach the water. But with nothing to grasp, I gradually approached the water. No matter how much I drew my legs up, the color of the approaching water was black.

Eventually, the ship, as usual, spewed black smoke and passed by. For the first time, I realized that it would have been better to be on the ship, even if I didn't know where it was going, but I couldn't make use of that realization, and with infinite regret and fear, I quietly fell towards the black waves.