Twenty-eight to thirty

by Natsume Sōseki

“If there is wealth in your family, I think you should organize it properly while you can. It might be an unnecessary concern, but you should take what you need while your father is still healthy. After something happens, issues regarding wealth can become the most troublesome.”

“Yes.”

I didn’t pay much attention to the teacher’s words. I believed that I was not the only one in my family who was worried about such things; neither my father nor my mother seemed to be concerned at all. Moreover, I was a bit surprised that what the teacher said was so practical. However, the respect I had for my elders silenced me.

“If I’ve upset you by suggesting you think about your father passing away, I apologize. It’s just that everyone dies eventually. No matter how healthy someone is, you never know when they might die.”

The teacher’s tone was bitter, unlike usual.

“I’m not worried about that at all,” I defended myself.

“How many siblings do you have?” the teacher asked.

After that, the teacher continued to ask about the number of people in my family, whether there were any relatives, and the situation of my uncles and aunts. Finally, he said this.

“Are they all good people?”

“I don’t think there are any bad people among them. They’re mostly country folks.”

“Why are country folks not bad?”

I was puzzled by this question. However, the teacher continued without giving me a chance to think.

“Country folks can sometimes be worse than city people. You just said there are no particularly bad people among your relatives. But do you believe there are bad people in the world? There are no stereotypical villains. Usually, everyone is a good person. At least, they are ordinary people. However, it’s terrifying because they can suddenly turn into bad people in critical situations. So, you must remain vigilant.”

The teacher’s talk showed no signs of ending here. I tried to say something, but suddenly a dog started barking from behind. Both the teacher and I turned around in surprise.

Next to the bench, there were young cedar saplings planted, and about three tsubo of bear bamboo were flourishing nearby. A dog was poking its head out from above and barking vigorously. A child, around ten years old, ran over and scolded the dog. The child was wearing a black hat with a badge and bowed in front of the teacher.

“Uncle, was there anyone at home when you came in?” he asked.

“No one was there.”

“But my sister and mother were in the back.”

“I see, they were there.”

“Ah, Uncle, you should have just come in without asking today.”

The teacher smiled wryly and took out a five-sen coin from his pocket, placing it in the child's hand.

“Tell your mother that. Ask her to let you rest here for a bit.”

The child’s intelligent eyes sparkled, and he nodded.

“I’m currently the scout leader.”

The child said this and ran down through the azaleas. The dog, with its tail held high, followed the child. After a while, two or three children of similar age chased after the scout leader.

The teacher's story could not reach a conclusion because of the dog and the child. The issue of property that I was concerned about was completely absent from my mind at that time. Considering my character and circumstances, I had no room to be troubled by such interests at that time. Upon reflection, this was partly because I had not yet entered society and partly because I was not actually in that situation, but in any case, the issue of money felt distant to young me.

The only thing I wanted to know from the teacher's story was the meaning of the phrase “Anyone can become a villain in times of crisis.” As mere words, I could understand this much. However, I wanted to know more about this phrase.

After the dog and the child left, the wide young leaf garden regained its tranquility once again. We remained still for a while, enveloped in silence. I could feel the beautiful color of the sky gradually losing its light. The tree in front of me was mainly a maple, but the light green young leaves that dripped from its branches seemed to be getting darker. I heard the distant sound of a cart rumbling by. I imagined it was a villager heading to the festival with some plants or something loaded on it. When the teacher heard that sound, he suddenly stood up as if he had been called back from meditation.

“Well, it's about time to go home. It seems the days have gotten quite long, but if we continue to sit here in peace, before we know it, it will be evening.”

There were many marks on the teacher's back from where he had lain on his back on the bench earlier. I brushed them off with both hands.

“Thank you. Is there any grease stuck on it?”

“It came off cleanly.”

“This haori was just made recently. So if I get it dirty carelessly, my wife will scold me. Thank you.”

The two of them arrived again in front of the house located halfway up the slope. At the entrance, where there had been no sign of anyone when they entered, a woman was winding thread onto a spool with a daughter of about fifteen or sixteen. The two greeted her from beside a large goldfish bowl, saying, “Thank you for the intrusion.” The woman replied, “No, please don’t mention it,” and then expressed her gratitude for the white copper gift she had given to the child earlier.

After walking two or three blocks out of the gate, I finally opened my mouth towards the teacher.

“What you said earlier, that anyone can become a villain in times of crisis, what does that mean?”

“Even if I say meaning, there is no deep meaning. — In other words, it is a fact. It’s not a matter of reasoning.”

“A fact is fine, but what I want to know is, what kind of situation does 'in times of crisis' refer to?”

The teacher burst into laughter. It was as if he had no intention of explaining anything earnestly at this point.

“When it comes to money, even the noblest person can quickly become a villain.”

I found the teacher's response to be too ordinary and boring. To avoid getting carried away, I also felt a bit deflated. So, I gathered my thoughts and started walking again. Then, the teacher fell a little behind. He called out, “Hey, hey.”

“Look, see?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your mood can easily change with just one of my responses.”

Seeing my face as I turned around to stop for our meeting, the teacher said that. At that moment, I felt a sense of resentment towards him in my heart. Even after we started walking side by side, I deliberately refrained from asking what I wanted to know. However, whether the teacher noticed my attitude or not, he seemed completely unconcerned, proceeding at his usual calm and steady pace. I felt a bit irritated and wanted to somehow get the better of the teacher.

“Teacher”

“What is it?”

“Earlier, you seemed a bit excited, didn’t you? When we were resting in that gardener's yard. I rarely see you excited, so it feels like I witnessed something unusual today.”

The teacher did not respond immediately. I thought it was a substantial reaction, or conversely, I felt it might have been off the mark. With no other choice, I decided to say nothing more. Then, the teacher suddenly moved to the side of the road and, under a neatly trimmed hedge, lifted his hem and urinated. I stood there absentmindedly during that time.

“Oh, pardon me.”

The teacher said that and started walking again. I finally gave up on trying to corner the teacher. The path we were taking gradually became livelier. The wide fields and slopes that had been faintly visible until now seemed to disappear from sight as the rows of houses on either side lined up. Even so, in some corners of the residential areas, I could quietly observe the scenes of pea vines entwined around bamboo and chickens enclosed by wire mesh. The pack horses returning from the city passed by one after another. While I was distracted by such things, I had somehow shaken off the problem that had been in my chest until just a moment ago. When the teacher suddenly returned to that spot, I had truly forgotten about it.

“Did I look that excited just now?”

“Not to that extent, but a little…”

“No, it’s fine if I look excited. In fact, I do get excited. When I talk about property, I surely get excited. I don’t know how it looks to you, but I am a very tenacious man when it comes to this. The humiliation and damage I’ve received from others, I will never forget, even after ten years or twenty years.”

The teacher's words were even more heightened than the initial excitement. However, what surprised me was not that tone. Rather, the very meaning of the teacher's words appealed to my ears. Hearing such a confession from the teacher was completely unexpected for me. I had never imagined such tenacity as part of the teacher's nature. I believed the teacher to be a weaker person. It was on that weakness that I had placed the roots of my nostalgia. Having tried to challenge the teacher on a whim, I felt small before these words.

"I have been deceived by others. Moreover, I was deceived by relatives who are blood-related. I will never forget that. They were good people in front of my father, but as soon as my father passed away, they turned into unforgivable scoundrels. The humiliation and damage I have suffered from them have been carried by me since I was little, and I will probably continue to carry it until I die. I cannot forget it until I die. However, I have not yet taken revenge. When I think about it, I am actually doing more than just taking revenge on individuals. I have learned to hate not only them but the entire humanity they represent. I think that is enough for me."

I couldn't even utter a word of comfort.