Chapter 20

von Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

One evening, I found myself in my lab, the sun having dipped below the horizon while the moon began to rise from the sea. The light was too dim for me to continue my work, leaving me in a state of indecision. Should I call it a night or push through and finish what I had started?

As I sat there, a wave of reflection washed over me, prompting me to consider the consequences of my current endeavor. Three years earlier, I had been in a similar position, and I had created a monster whose cruelty had shattered my heart and filled it with an unending remorse. Now, I was on the verge of bringing another being into existence, one whose nature I knew nothing about. She could be infinitely more malevolent than her counterpart, reveling in chaos and suffering.

He had vowed to distance himself from humanity, retreating into desolate places, but she had made no such promise. The thought of her, a potential thinking and reasoning creature, refusing to adhere to a pact made before her existence, sent chills down my spine. They might even despise each other. The creature I had already brought to life hated his own hideousness; what if he grew to loathe it even more when he saw it mirrored in the female form? She might turn away from him, drawn instead to the beauty of humanity, leaving him once again in solitude, tormented by the betrayal of one of his own kind.

Even if they escaped to the New World, living in isolation, the dark desires that drove the monster would inevitably lead to offspring. A lineage of devils could emerge, threatening the very survival of humankind. Did I have the right to unleash this curse upon future generations for my own selfish reasons? I had already been swayed by the manipulations of the creature I had created, paralyzed by his threats. But now, for the first time, the weight of my promise struck me with full force. I shuddered at the thought that future generations might curse me as their tormentor, a selfish being who had traded peace for the potential destruction of humanity.

My heart raced, and I felt a wave of dread wash over me when I looked up and saw the monster at my window. A ghastly grin twisted his lips as he watched me, sitting there, engaged in the task he had set for me. He had followed me through my travels, lurking in forests, hiding in caves, and taking refuge in barren lands. Now, he had come to observe my progress and demand that I fulfill my promise.

As I gazed at him, his face radiated malice and betrayal. The thought of creating another like him drove me to madness. In a fit of rage, I tore apart the work I had been focused on. The wretch witnessed me destroy the very being on which his happiness depended, and with a howl of despair and vengeance, he retreated.

I left the room, locked the door behind me, and made a solemn vow to never return to my work. With shaky steps, I made my way to my own room. I was alone, with no one nearby to dispel the heavy gloom that enveloped me, leaving me trapped in the most terrifying of thoughts.

Hours slipped by as I sat by my window, staring out at the sea. It lay almost still, the winds calmed, and nature rested under the watchful gaze of the serene moon. A few fishing boats dotted the water, and occasionally, I could hear the fishermen calling to one another on the gentle breeze. I felt the silence around me, though I hardly grasped its depth until the sound of oars splashing against the water caught my attention. Someone had landed close to my house.

Moments later, I heard the creaking of my door, as if someone was trying to open it quietly. A chill ran through me; I sensed who it was and wanted to wake one of the nearby peasants for help. But I was paralyzed by a familiar helplessness, like in nightmares when you desperately try to escape impending danger but find yourself rooted to the spot.

Then I heard footsteps in the hallway. The door swung open, and the creature I dreaded stood before me. He closed the door behind him and approached, his voice low and strained.

"You’ve destroyed the work you started. What do you intend to do? Do you dare break your promise? I have suffered through toil and misery. I left Switzerland with you, creeping along the shores of the Rhine, through its willow islands and over its hills. I’ve spent months in the heaths of England and the barren landscapes of Scotland. I’ve endured unimaginable fatigue, cold, and hunger. Do you really dare to destroy my hopes?"

“Get out of my sight! I’m breaking my promise; I will never create another being like you, equal in deformity and wickedness.”

“Listen, I’ve tried to reason with you, but you’ve shown you’re not worth my time. Remember, I hold the power here. You think you’re miserable, but I can make your life so wretched that you’ll come to hate the very light of day. You may have created me, but I am your master; you will obey!”

“My moment of indecision is over, and your time of power has come to an end. Your threats won’t push me into an act of evil; if anything, they strengthen my resolve not to create a companion for you. Should I, in a calm state of mind, unleash a monster upon the world whose only joy lies in death and despair? Leave me! I stand firm, and your words will only fuel my anger.”

The creature saw my determination and ground his teeth in frustration. “Is it fair,” he shouted, “that every man finds a partner, that every animal has its mate, while I am left alone? I had feelings of love, and they were met with hatred and scorn. You may hate me, but watch out! Your days will be filled with dread and misery, and soon, a blow will fall that will strip you of your happiness forever. Will you be happy while I suffer in my torment? You can destroy my other passions, but revenge remains—revenge that is now more precious to me than light or food! I may die, but first, you, my tyrant and tormentor, will curse the sun that witnesses your misery. Beware, for I am fearless and therefore powerful. I will wait like a snake, ready to strike with its venom. You will regret the pain you’ve caused me.”

“Enough! Stop poisoning the air with your malice. I’ve made my decision, and I’m no coward to bend to your words. Leave me; I am unyielding.”

“Very well. I’ll go, but remember, I will be with you on your wedding night.”

I lunged forward and shouted, “Monster! Before you seal my fate, make sure you’re safe yourself.”

I tried to grab him, but he slipped away and hurried out of the house. Moments later, I saw him in his boat, gliding across the water with incredible speed until he vanished into the waves.

Silence fell again, but his words echoed in my mind. I was consumed with rage, wanting to chase down the destroyer of my peace and throw him into the ocean. I paced my room, restless and agitated, as my imagination conjured countless tormenting images. Why hadn’t I followed him and confronted him in battle? But I had let him go, and he was heading toward the mainland. I shuddered at the thought of who might be his next victim, sacrificed to his insatiable thirst for revenge. Then I recalled his words—“I will be with you on your wedding night.” That was when my fate would be sealed. In that moment, I would die, satisfying and extinguishing his malice. The thought didn’t frighten me; yet when I thought of my beloved Elizabeth, of her tears and endless sorrow when she found her lover taken from her so brutally, tears—the first I had shed in months—streamed down my face. I resolved not to fall before my enemy without a fierce struggle.

The night passed, and the sun rose from the ocean. My feelings began to settle, if you could call it calmness when the fury of rage sank into the depths of despair. I left the house, the dreadful scene of last night’s confrontation, and walked along the beach, which I almost saw as an impenetrable barrier between me and my fellow humans; in fact, a part of me wished it were true. I longed to spend my life on that barren rock, weary, yes, but free from any sudden shock of misery. If I returned, it would be to face sacrifice or to watch those I loved most perish at the hands of a monster I had created.

I wandered the island like a restless ghost, separated from everything I loved and miserable in that separation. When noon arrived and the sun climbed higher, I lay down on the grass and was overtaken by a deep sleep. I had been awake the entire previous night, my nerves frayed, my eyes bloodshot from watching and suffering. The sleep that enveloped me now refreshed me; and when I awoke, I felt once more like I belonged to the human race. I began to reflect on what had happened with a bit more composure, yet the fiend’s words still echoed in my ears like a death knell; they felt like a dream, yet were as vivid and oppressive as reality.

The sun had dipped below the horizon, and I was still sitting on the shore, my hunger gnawing at me as I munched on an oaten cake. Just then, I spotted a fishing boat coming ashore, and one of the men approached me with a package. Inside were letters from Geneva, including one from Clerval, urging me to join him. He wrote about how he was wasting his time where he was, that his friends from London were eager for his return to finalize plans for his venture in India. He couldn’t delay his departure any longer, but since his journey to London might soon lead to a longer voyage, he pleaded with me to spend as much time with him as I could. He asked me to leave my solitary island and meet him in Perth so we could travel south together.

Reading his letter stirred something within me, and I decided to leave my island in two days.

However, before I could go, I had a daunting task ahead of me. I needed to pack my chemical instruments, which meant entering the room where I had done my dreadful work. Just thinking about it made me shudder. The next morning, at dawn, I gathered my courage and unlocked the door to my laboratory. The remnants of the half-finished creature I had destroyed lay scattered across the floor, and I felt as if I had mutilated a living person. I took a moment to steady myself before stepping inside. With trembling hands, I began to gather my instruments, but I realized I couldn’t leave the remnants of my work behind to horrify the locals. So, I placed them in a basket along with a heavy load of stones, planning to dispose of them in the sea that very night. In the meantime, I sat on the beach, cleaning and organizing my chemical apparatus.

The change in my feelings since that night when the creature had appeared was profound. I had once viewed my promise with a heavy sense of despair, believing it was something I had to fulfill no matter the consequences. But now, it felt like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, and for the first time, I could see clearly. The thought of returning to my experiments didn’t even cross my mind. The threat I had heard lingered in my thoughts, but I didn’t consider that my own actions could prevent it. I had resolved that creating another being like the fiend I had made would be the most selfish and atrocious act imaginable, and I pushed away any thoughts that might lead me to a different conclusion.

Between two and three in the morning, the moon rose. I loaded my basket onto a small skiff and sailed out about four miles from shore. The scene around me was completely desolate; a few boats were making their way back to land, but I steered away from them. I felt as if I was about to commit a terrible crime, and I shuddered at the thought of encountering anyone. At one point, the moon, which had been shining brightly, was suddenly obscured by a thick cloud. Seizing the moment of darkness, I tossed my basket into the sea, listening to the gurgling sound as it sank before I sailed away from the spot. The sky was overcast, but the air was crisp and refreshing, chilled by the northeast breeze that was picking up. It invigorated me, filling me with pleasant sensations, and I decided to linger on the water a bit longer. I fixed the rudder in place and lay down at the bottom of the boat.

The clouds concealed the moon, and everything around me was dim. All I could hear was the sound of the boat slicing through the waves, the gentle murmur lulling me into a deep sleep.

I’m not sure how long I was in that state, but when I finally came to, the sun had already climbed high in the sky. The wind was fierce, and the waves constantly threatened to capsize my small boat. I realized the wind was coming from the northeast, pushing me far away from the shore where I had set out. I tried to change my direction, but quickly discovered that if I attempted it again, the boat would fill with water. Given my situation, my only option was to let the wind carry me.

I admit I felt a wave of terror wash over me. Without a compass and only a vague understanding of the geography of this area, the sun offered little guidance. I could easily drift into the vast Atlantic, facing the agonies of starvation, or be swallowed by the endless waters that crashed around me. Hours had passed, and I was tormented by an unbearable thirst, a precursor to the suffering that awaited me. I gazed at the sky, which was shrouded in clouds racing by, only to be replaced by more. I looked at the sea; it felt like my grave.

“Fiend,” I shouted, “your work is already done!” My thoughts turned to Elizabeth, my father, and Clerval—all left behind, vulnerable to the monster’s ruthless desires. This thought plunged me into a despair so deep and terrifying that even now, as I stand on the brink of oblivion, I shudder to remember it.

Hours passed in this way, but gradually, as the sun dipped toward the horizon, the wind softened into a gentle breeze and the sea calmed. However, it was still choppy, and I felt nauseous and barely able to grip the rudder when, suddenly, I spotted a line of high land to the south.

Exhausted from fatigue and the dread I had endured for hours, the sight of land flooded my heart with warmth and joy, and tears streamed down my face.

How fickle our emotions are, and how strange our attachment to life, even in the depths of despair! I fashioned another sail from part of my clothing and eagerly steered toward the land. It looked wild and rocky, but as I got closer, I could see signs of cultivation. I noticed ships near the shore and felt as if I had been transported back to the realm of civilization. I carefully followed the coastline and finally spotted a steeple emerging from behind a small promontory. Weak as I was, I decided to head straight for the town, hoping to find food and shelter. Luckily, I had some money with me.

As I rounded the promontory, I saw a small, tidy town with a good harbor. I entered, my heart racing with joy at my unexpected escape.

While I was busy securing the boat and adjusting the sails, a crowd began to gather. They looked surprised at my appearance, but instead of offering help, they whispered among themselves, their gestures causing a flicker of alarm in me. However, I noticed they spoke English, so I addressed them in that language.

“My good friends,” I said, “could you please tell me the name of this town and where I am?”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” replied a man with a rough voice. “Maybe you’ve come to a place that won’t suit you, but I promise you won’t have a say in where you stay.”

I was taken aback by his rude response and felt unsettled by the scowls of his companions. “Why are you speaking to me like that?” I asked. “Surely it’s not customary for Englishmen to treat strangers so unwelcomingly.”

“I don’t know what the customs of the English are,” the man replied, “but it’s the custom of the Irish to despise villains.”

As this strange exchange continued, I noticed the crowd growing larger. Their faces showed a mix of curiosity and anger, which both annoyed and alarmed me. I asked for directions to an inn, but no one answered. I moved forward, and a murmur rose from the crowd as they followed and surrounded me. An unpleasant-looking man approached, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, “Come, sir, you need to follow me to Mr. Kirwin’s to explain yourself.”

“Who is Mr. Kirwin? Why do I need to explain myself? Isn’t this a free country?”

“Yes, sir, free enough for honest folks. Mr. Kirwin is a magistrate, and you need to account for the death of a gentleman who was found murdered here last night.”

The answer took me by surprise, but I quickly regained my composure. I was innocent; that could be easily proven. So, I followed my guide in silence as he led me to one of the finest houses in town. Exhausted and hungry, I felt like I might collapse, but with a crowd surrounding me, I knew I had to summon all my strength. I couldn’t let any signs of weakness be mistaken for fear or guilt.

Little did I know that a disaster was about to strike, one that would soon drown me in horror and despair, overshadowing any fear of shame or death.

I need to pause here because it takes all my strength to revisit the terrifying events I’m about to share, and to recount them properly from memory.